The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: moraamarolaloba on March 19, 2024, 12:06:57 PM
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Anyone there?
am a mummy
I am a Mummy
kept in a closet
my soul is cold
my heart is broken
waiting for something
to bring me back to life
under the bandage
wrapping my body
Time and its hours
walk for the others
here there is only me
surrounded by disorder
day and night
have stoppoed
at touching each other
ciaro-oscuro that swims
here and there
and everywhere
My eyes can only watch
clothe that no longer serves
while I hear steps of life
around my limbo
but they are not those
of the one I love
so so so so
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I'm a little confused, maybe I've done something wrong? While I clarify my doubts I answer myself, what less could I do for my work?
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@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) It does seem quiet here :) First of all, interesting video, I'm sure you had fun dressing up. This is perhaps less immediately accessible than most of your other material, so maybe that's why there has not been more response? Anyway, I like the slight dissonance in the music and your vocal and lyrics do a good job of painting a vivid and somewhat surrealistic picture. I like it, Kevin
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Pretty much how we all feel from time to time .
Its a cool track Mora , Very spooky . I would have liked to see the lyrics in vid for SEO purposes
Nice job Mora !!!
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I'm here Mora! I contribute to 3 similar forums (same ones as you) and they all seem to go through really busy times and then suddenly it all goes quiet for no obvious reason. Anyway, I've already reviewed this on the other page but I'll do it again as I really like what you and Marcus create. This is another classic - all a bit spooky this time! Looks like you had fun dressing up! Great track, great video. Nothing else I can say - I really enjoyed this. :)
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I've always loved dark and moody songs so this one I like, too :D
As mentioned above, it is scary and it reminds me of David Bowies last album at times as that had that same scary and dark vibe, too. Still, it's very unique.
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@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) It does seem quiet here :) First of all, interesting video, I'm sure you had fun dressing up. This is perhaps less immediately accessible than most of your other material, so maybe that's why there has not been more response? Anyway, I like the slight dissonance in the music and your vocal and lyrics do a good job of painting a vivid and somewhat surrealistic picture. I like it, Kevin
It's true, I had a lot of fun covering my head with bandages... the rest is superimposed on a still image... The video is not one of my favorites, however it has great parts... As for the music
I find it simpler, especially at the beginning, almost childish, catchy, what I love is the subsequent development.
The story is funny, I have seen ghosts several times in my life, the first was a figure that seemed bandaged coming out of a closet in a hallway of my parents' house, me and my sister were very little... We both saw to that being and we followed him along the hallway to the bathroom on the service side... there he entered and... he disappeared!!! I wasn't afraid, that's the funny thing.
Thank you very much for your rescue and comment. @kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775)
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Pretty much how we all feel from time to time .
Its a cool track Mora , Very spooky . I would have liked to see the lyrics in vid for SEO purposes
Nice job Mora !!!
I would also have liked to put the lyric in the video but I have problems with the text editor, Adobe Premiere has changed its format and I'm in a mess, it seems to me that they have complicated it...
What's more, I have made the video for my new song that I have already shared on my YouTube channel leaving space for the lyrics, you can check it if you want to take a look, but it was impossible for me to maintain the size and typography of the letters ...
I have started following a tutorial on the Adobe Premiere blog, there they will help me understand this new working format, I hope so.
Coming back to this song.. Thank you for your time and for your nice comment.
Adiós chico!
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He works for me , Tell him Elvis or Ben sent you , he can fix your problem . Or instruct you how to correct the problem.
I pay him thru Western Union to correct things when something breaks on websites, FB pages, Youtube, Ect Ect .
habiburrahman12222@gmail.com
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https://www.youtube.com/@ElvisNash/videos
All vids should have thumbnails , its a box you click in managing vids to add them . I'm hiring a new guy to work on SEO score on each vid , I guess it's a big deal to get more organic views .
I feel like the mummy standing in line at Starbucks at 5am
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Hi Mora . . . I first read your lyric, found it very intriguing, and interpreted a sense of abandonment and isolation, which the mummy portrays . . . then the music is very haunting, and appropriate for the piece, and fits the song idea very well, very interesting changes musically, . . . however, I cannot connect the video and the music as I watch, the first part works for me . . . as it goes along maybe just too avante garde, outside my own normal, though, I always like how you experiment outside the box.
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https://www.youtube.com/@ElvisNash/videos
All vids should have thumbnails , its a box you click in managing vids to add them . I'm hiring a new guy to work on SEO score on each vid , I guess it's a big deal to get more organic views .
I feel like the mummy standing in line at Starbucks at 5am
Gracias @Elvis Nash (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22812)
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Hi Mora . . . I first read your lyric, found it very intriguing, and interpreted a sense of abandonment and isolation, which the mummy portrays . . . then the music is very haunting, and appropriate for the piece, and fits the song idea very well, very interesting changes musically, . . . however, I cannot connect the video and the music as I watch, the first part works for me . . . as it goes along maybe just too avante garde, outside my own normal, though, I always like how you experiment outside the box.
La verdad es que yo siempre estoy en mi zona de confort. hahaha
Although it seems like I don't leave my comfort zone much, I do it every time I create a song!!!! The first one always surprised is me after finishing the work!!
Muchas gracias, have a nice weekend @popitup (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22885)