The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Neil C on July 23, 2017, 07:49:25 AM
-
Hi,
Here's a mellow little number where I thought what would I write for Adele?
The lyrics were written by a lovely Welsh lady called Fran and there's a few Jazzy chords in the mix.
It was a bit for hard/fun trying to sing it half way decently.
Anyway I'd be delighted if you'd like to listen and provide any comments
:)
Neil
https://soundcloud.com/neilconnor-2/under-siege-may-2017 (https://soundcloud.com/neilconnor-2/under-siege-may-2017)
Under Siege
I don’t know how long I’ve been here, and I don’t really care
I can’t move another muscle, and I don’t want to leave this chair
They say your home is your castle, well I think I’m under siege
I know the door is always open, but I may never leave
And the walls are high and mighty, in this fortress I have built
None shall pass without the charm to wake me from this spell
None shall pass without the charm I wish you well, I wish you well
I have everything I need here, apart from company
I have learnt to do without it, in a way it sets you free
In the view from my window, I can see the sea and sky
I will go when I am ready, when I have the wings to fly
And the walls are high and mighty, in this fortress I have built
None shall pass without the charm to wake me from this spell
None shall pass without the charm I wish you well, I wish you well
From here I can see clearly
From here I can see true
From here I held no one more dearly
Than you
In the days when I was younger, when my heart was in the world
I would travel light and easy, with no fear of what unfurled
I saw the cities and the mountains, I swam in rivers and in streams
Now the only time I wander, is in the comfort of my dreams
And the walls are high and mighty, in this fortress I have built
None shall pass without the charm to wake me from this spell
None shall pass without the charm I wish you well, I wish you well
And the walls are high and mighty, in this fortress I have built
None shall pass without the charm to wake me from this spell
None shall pass without the charm I wish you well, I wish you well
c 2016 Murphy/Connor
-
Hey Neil, cool song i really like your slide vocals, flows well "In the view from my window" morning dew here but nice just back walking with my dog Cailín.
Really cool song lovely to listen to 8)
-
Great slinky summer evening feel to this Neil. It had a similar vibe to that "Fever" classic song I thought but still felt original. Great playing throughout and smart lyrics too. Makes me want to have a cocktail and sit by a pool somewhere. Nice one buddy.
-
Slinky. The perfect word :) Lovely for lazing on a
sunny rainy afternoon evening. Fab guitar outro too. Nice one, man.
-
I absolutely love the feel to this Neil and I think your vocals are really suited to this style. Some real killer chord changes and the bass is sublime. Great stuff :)
-
great guitar work.
very bluesy - jazzy feeling.
sth to listen to at night with a good drink or in a shady bar. very cool.
B.
-
Hey Neil.
A moody,late night feel to this one.
You always get a lovely recorded sound on your guitars and this is no exception,a very polished sound overall.
Love the imagery of the lyrics and you sing it well.
A delightful listen. 8)
-
Great laid back tempo and great guitar tones of course. Drums and BVs also seem very well chosen. Lyrics are very well crafted too and the resigned feel really suits them. Nice idea for a song...
One tiny thing I thought didn't sit 100% right a couple of times was the way some words extended over more than one syllable (e.g. go at the end of verse 2). That's more of a style / phrasing thing not really a criticism...
-
This is great, Neil
Fab lyrics given a lovely mellow treatment...really enjoyed it :)
-
Nice swinging groove.
It's a good, ambitious melody...key maybe a little high for you?....tricky to sing I'm sure.
That kinda hook line 'none shall pass etc' ....I couldn't get what you were singing until I looked at the lyric and I thought for me that it would sing better with better accent placement or whatever you call it if you hit the first word on the first beat of the bar instead of having that pause before it...personal preference maybe. And the line 'from here I held no-one more dearly'....just thought it sounded a bit clunky.
The groove is really nice and the melody and of course the guitars are always good. It all marries well with the lyric...the music and feel I mean...just those phrasing nits for me. Real hole-pickin' bastard aren't I?
-
good mix, and nice laidback jazz feel, reminded me of moondance by van morrison
-
Hi Neil
Well judged laid-back groove ya got going here - nice!
Great work on the drums (are those loops?) and of course your signature guitar tracks.
Enjoyed the listen ;D
Paul
-
Reminded me of some of Clapton's unplugged stuff.... there was a few glints of Peggy Lee in there too.
Great stuff, very much enjoyed it! Particularly the sparing use of the drums. Nothing is fighting each other, every sound has its place.
Great work! :D
-
Oldbutyet, Really cool song lovely to listen to
Thanks and hope the dog enjoyed it too!
PaulyX, slinky summer evening with cocktails sounds just the job
Cazrolina, slinky snd lazing indeed 8)
Pompeyjazz, thanks for feedback on the vocals, its fairly hard to sing let alone swing
The Butcher, another one drinking in a shady bar
Skub, thanks for commenting, re guitar work ok I give in, its all in my fingers (not)
adamfarr, pleased you liked it, you're probably right about some one the lines, down to my singing but I didn't want to change the words and they're someone else's anyway
PaulAds,Really cool song lovely to listen to
felt the right treatment thanks
Dear Count Real hole-pickin' bastard aren't (http://Real hole-pickin' bastard aren't) ;D Pick away, I took a while to get the vocals to this state and I'm sure a pro would take them further and make them their own which would address the points you rightly raise.
Mikey, yep get the moondance reference with that groove thanks
Paulski, Well judged laid-back groove ya got going here - nice!
Great work on the drums (are those loops?
I think the drums are toontracks Exdrummer -Jazz
David Christy Jones, hi and thanks for the comments and glad the arrangement has space and worked
-
If I've missed some of your work recently I apologies, been awful busy this summer... this is up to your usual standard of very good instrumentation and particularly like the bass part and the outro...
best, Kevin :) :)
-
Hi Neil,
Very relaxing after a hard day in the shafts, glass of wine, headrest, you get the picture. Really nice feel, soft guitar tone throughout and in the fade just wonderful. Nice set of lyrics also from your collaborator. The style certainly fits your voice.
Chilled
Vintage54
-
Hi Neil,
Slinky - that's the word to describe this. Fab sounding recording and your lovely electric lead is a joy. Nice relaxed vocals and the melody sits well with the lyrics which are great BTW. A very enjoyable listen.
M
-
kevin - thanks for your feedback. Miss away, theres alway more to come, hope your summer is good
Vintage - nice to hear from you and your great feedback, I'll get the bottle next time
Alan, slinky thats good for jazz and delighted with the way it turned out. And you're right they are a great set of lyrics.
:)
neil
-
Hi Neil, great jazzy feel to this one and the style suits your vocal. Love the guitar tones and lead lines and really liked the bass sound too. Really good stuff! I'm a sucker for jazzy chords so sounded great to me....
Cheers
Jamie
-
Beautiful sound, here, Neil!
Great song, man.........love the vibe....singing is good.......all the performances are slick.
Very cooool 8)
-Tom