The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Nick Ryder on April 17, 2024, 07:36:29 PM
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Hi all,
I wanted to write a song which would work well live and make people feel good. I guess songs like this are aimed at my age group (middle aged), so I tried to make it kind of 90's Brit Pop but with what I hope is a memorable chorus with a strong melody.
Musically, I do not think it is very clever, and I refrained from using jazz chords like I usually would in some of my slower numbers. Its just straightforward pop, but I don't mind that every now and then :)
Anyway, it's loosely based on the first time I ever met my wife. Some the the lyrics are intentionally ambiguous for that reason and I do like using metaphors.
I remember, oh so long ago
You had me at, the first hello
In that second, when you caught my eye
You smiled at me, my brand new sky
In a crowded room where people danced and didn’t seem to care,
where music played and everyone was in a circle unaware that
Only you and I were there so sacred yet unafraid to watch it all go by
In that second when I, saw you smile
I fell for you, my brand new sky
What is your name, where are you from
And where are you going to?
Do you feel safe, are you ok
And is this too fast for you?
Are you afraid, does this seem strange
How is this happening
I don’t understand, was all this planned
Am I imagining
In that second when I, saw you smile
I fell for you, my brand new sky
What is your name, where are you from
And where are you going to?
Do you feel safe, are you ok
And is this too fast for you?
Are you afraid, does this seem strange
How is this happening
I don’t understand, was all this planned
Am I imagining
In that second when I, saw you smile
I fell for you, my brand new sky
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@Nick Ryder (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=23004)
What a great bright voice! The whole song has a pretty uplifting vibe, fitting the perfect sunny day I see outside my window here today (in The Netherlands that is). So, your mission on making people feel good is accomplished.
Btw: Nothing wrong with straightforward pop. In the end it’s all about resonating with listeners you want to reach out to, less about fancy chords and complex progressions just for the sake of being complex :-\ My humble opinion.
Nevertheless, I hear some clever breaks here and there.
Cheers, Dorian
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@Nick Ryder (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=23004)
What a great bright voice! The whole song has a pretty uplifting vibe, fitting the perfect sunny day I see outside my window here today (in The Netherlands that is). So, your mission on making people feel good is accomplished.
Btw: Nothing wrong with straightforward pop. In the end it’s all about resonating with listeners you want to reach out to, less about fancy chords and complex progressions just for the sake of being complex :-\ My humble opinion.
Nevertheless, I hear some clever breaks here and there.
Cheers, Dorian
Hey, @Dorian (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22899) Thank you so much.
I totally agree. I think there's a place for all different kinds of music and whilst I get a lot of satisfaction in witing / producing a complex piece of music, it is equally rewarding doing something simple and uplifting like this.
Have a great day.
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Yes, it's a song that will make people feel good, I enjoyed it all!!!! @Nick Ryder (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=23004) catchy and pleasant to the ear.
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The first hello can be aimed at teenagers , Age has nothing to do with it
Good job man , all tight in the right places
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Well I'm not even middle aged - I'm an old b*****d!! But I totally got off one this one. It's really catchy and would go down great live. I couldn't dance when I was young enough and I'd probably do myself a mischief if I tried now, but I was tempted!! Seriously this is another great track. No crits at all from me. :)
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Yes, it's a song that will make people feel good, I enjoyed it all!!!! @Nick Ryder (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=23004) catchy and pleasant to the ear.
Thank you. Job done then :)
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Well I'm not even middle aged - I'm an old b*****d!! But I totally got off one this one. It's really catchy and would go down great live. I couldn't dance when I was young enough and I'd probably do myself a mischief if I tried now, but I was tempted!! Seriously this is another great track. No crits at all from me. :)
Haha. Thanks @ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723)
I can't dance either :)
The first hello can be aimed at teenagers , Age has nothing to do with it
Good job man , all tight in the right places
Thanks, Elvis.
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Hi
When I read 90s pop I was thinking oh no, not one of those bruising oasis tunes.
This song is really charming, heartwarming
Hearing the first few bars, I was pleasantly surprised.
When the lyrics go faster I get an elvis costello vibe.
It is uplifting and seems to capture a feeling of first time innocence.