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Feedback on Finished songs
Fade Away
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Fade Away
3 Replies
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Killjoy
Busker
Posts: 12
Fade Away
«
on:
June 05, 2019, 12:17:25 AM »
Don't really know what to say here... I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years and I guess this is just a portrayal of how I feel. It's not the best quality in terms of recording but I'm pretty happy with how it's come out.
https://soundcloud.com/jake-page-792647669/fade-away
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CaliaMoko
Stadium Tour
Posts: 3690
Strumming on the couch in pigtails
Re: Fade Away
«
Reply #1 on:
June 05, 2019, 12:59:13 AM »
I like it. I have one recommendation. The line:
They say that time's a healer and that I'll be fine
has a lot of words crammed in it (well, so do some of the other lines, but I really noticed it in this one) and you could give it more space by leaving out the word "that" both times:
They say time's a healer and I'll be fine
It isn't needed and just takes up space/time unnecessarily. I tried it and I think it works great without those two that's.
That's all I have.
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You're never too old to try something new.
And I take my own advice: check out my albums:
https://vmgoble.bandcamp.com/
= = = = = = = = = = = = = =
https://open.spotify.com/artist/6WykefpSUeHfhErjLWXC2L
https://www.deezer.com/en/album/77622062
http://www.soundcloud.com/caliamoko
http://www.facebook.com/LateBloomersStartLater
PaulyX
Stadium Tour
Posts: 1796
Re: Fade Away
«
Reply #2 on:
June 07, 2019, 07:32:51 PM »
You've got the bones of a very strong track here I'd say. I like the clear contrast between the verse melody and the ascending chorus melody. It'd be great to hear a better recorded / produced version. Great voice by the way.
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It's all too beautiful.
RealKevM
Platinum Album
Posts: 573
Re: Fade Away
«
Reply #3 on:
June 08, 2019, 03:23:16 AM »
There's nothing like a break up to inspire songwriting
Really heart felt lyrics, I love how the verses flow. Good work mate and take care of yourself.
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https://www.twitter.com/realkevm2
https://www.soundcloud.com/realkevm2
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