[ShinyThang]

I don't often post in the WIP section but My worries about this one have been discussed in 'The Writing Process' ( http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/the-writing-process/cheating/ ) and I thought an illustration was required.
 
The section I worry about begins at 2:25

https://soundcloud.com/geoffjamesevans/only-all-the-time/s-u4pLJ


I've left the chords in to show what EZKeys did. It's pretty much all the chords over the mid 8 which begins 'The gods must have a plan' and ends 'Nothing I can ever hold on to'.

Only all the Time
Copyright © Geoffrey James Evans 2014 (February)


Bmaj7        Abm7
Only when I hear
   Dbm7     Em7
Sweet music in my ear
   Bmaj7   Dbm7   Abm7 Abm7
Do I stop and imagine you with me
   Em7      Dbm7   Cmaj7   Bmaj7
And I wonder why this thing can never be


Only  when I see
Gentle lovers walk by me
Does my heart ache for the touch of your hand
That you can't be held I just don't understand

Bmaj7     Ebm7   
 
Dmaj7
You could be  
   Am7
Standing close to me
     Dmaj7         F#m7 - Fm7
Kept apart from me by only time
Emaj7
If I stopped
    Fm7
Only in one spot
   F m7            D#m7
We might meet and You'd be mine

G#7-9   C#m7   C7


B         G#7-9
The gods must have a plan
C#m9      F#7   D#m7add11
but I am just a man in love
G#7-9          C#m7      C7
with the shadow of a ghost of a girl like you
Bmaj9       G#m7
Reflections in a doorway  
C#m9      F#   C#dim7-9
echoes down the hallway
D#m7      G#7-9          C#m7   C7
Nothing I can ever hold on to

Only when I think of you
Imagine that I'm there with you
close my eyes and dream you
 could be mine  
And I think about you only all the time … all the time
  
And I think about you only all the time

[tokenangmoh]

Hi Shiny.

This is very nice.

If I understand correctly, the piano is note-by-note scored by you up to 2.25, then EZkeys thereafter? It's a seamless transition and I wouldn't worry about it. The way I figure it, if you wrote the melody and the lyrics, you wrote the song. If you also wrote the chords, then you really wrote the song. After that, it's all about getting the song you wrote to sound good using whatever tools you have available - and those tools can be used intelligently or lazily. This doesn't sound lazy.

I think the lyrics from the B-section onwards are absolutely flawless, and I don't say that often.

In the first A-section, I have a slight preference for "And I wonder why our love can never be" as there's a slight formality to the piece which makes "this thing" sit wrong with me.

And in the second A-section, I might go for "That you can't be mine I just don't understand" as "that you can't be held" makes me think she has a social disability and doesn't like people touching her!

The melody and chord progressions are lovely too. My only issue there is that the B-section doesn't feel quite as melodically distinct as it might.

My biggest issue is the vocal treatment (again). Please trust your voice and lose the pop doubling! It's hollowing out your tone and making it sound artificial... What we need is a close-mic, classic crooning sound with no audible treatment. (Which doesn't mean you can't play around with EQ, compression and pitch compression - just that we shouldn't notice them.) Your current vocal take would stand up very nicely until the pitchier bits at the end. But that's why they invented multiple takes!

Great job,
Matt

[hardtwistmusic]

I really enjoyed this.  And I enjoyed the discussion in the other section regarding the EZ Keys also. 

Loved the lyric a little more than I loved the instrumental.  I'm not musician enough to explain the why of it.   

[ShinyThang]

tokenangmoh: Thank you for taking the time for a considered review of my work once again. Being a big fan of your work it is especially meaningful when you comment on mine. I take your point on both of the lyrical suggestions. I have met you half-way on the first and entirely on the second. Instead of the suggested 'our love' I used 'this love' simply because 'our love' sounds like a relationship that already has a past .... seemed best to me anyway.

Hmmm. yes, the 'B' section has been the problem with this song. I think it can work but needs a really confident voice to get it right. I wonder now if I'm being too ambitious there. Perhaps what I have in my head just doesn't work anyway? I think I will try to re-shape it all a bit more 'in tune' with the rest of the song.

As for the vox treatment. Well, I just used a preset master FX setting on my DAW this time. I guess there's some chorus in there. I think my biggest problem, apart from being a poor singer, is my mic. It's a Samson USB mic which is extremely sensitive. I think a decent mic and sound interface might be a good next purchase.

hardtwistmusic: Thanks for your comments. I always used to be very uninterested in lyrics but now I really appreciate a good story wrapped up in carefully considered prose. It's wonderful to have people notice and compliment me on my own ... And from the winner of LOTM! well, I'm humbled.

[Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra]

First off let me say that I like the song so far and am looking forward to the finished version.
I am still a novice at this but have recently bought a piano and begun to study jazz, so this is of interest to me.
I don't quite understand exactly what this EZ keys does but I will investigate. As someone said in the 'cheating' post, it really boils down to whether you are happy with the way you've composed the song or not. I think 'cheating' is not really the appropriate word here. Surely what matters most is the final result and this is not an athletic contest so how you get there is only an issue to you personally.

As I said, I personally like the song. My only concern is the lack of any distinctive 'hook' or is that considered to be less important in this form of music. I really am a novice here so I am genuinely not very knowledgeable about jazz ballads. So this isn't actually a criticism of your work, rather a plea for understanding about the form. I'm trying to compose along these lines and would be interested in your thoughts.

Agree that the lyric is very good. I'm struggling there too!

Thanks Ian

[benjo]

 hey man what nice sweet tune

 I really sat back and listened to that
 and only nit pic it finished to soon
 really well sung very nice calming emotional feel
 
 well done on that one just popping back in for another listen

[ShinyThang]

Ian: Many thanks for your kind words. This is my fourth 'Jazz ballad' ... ever! Each one got a little more 'jazz'. I don't understand the genre but I approach it that the same way I do everything else in life from cooking to choosing friends, if it feels right and makes me happy I do it if not, I don't do it again!

So, I'm sorry but I'm not qualified to give any meaningful pointers. I have been interested in song-writing for 35 years or more (I know, shocking) and whatever I was doing last has always been the most rewarding. A friend got me listening to Jazz and I found that piano ballads, like you'd expect to hear late at night in a smoky jazz club were my favourite style. I don't play piano (that's where EZ Keys comes in) but I fumbled around my guitar neck finding chords I didn't even know the names of that seemed to go together.

Many jazz songs have very succinct lyrics, often repeated. Sometimes the rhyming looks all over the place on paper but, when sung, it feels right. I agree about hooks though. It's not unusual to find the title used only in the last line and that is kind of an excuse for a hook. Not the same thing though. I tend to back away from deliberately doing anything formulaic. I like to take a small amount of formal teaching and then run with it. You know? Only read the 'Quick-start-guide'. I could never 'study' jazz or any other style and will probably never get it right in the eyes of the officianardos (?).  But it makes me happy

Benjo: So glad you liked it. I cringe listening to my singing on this track but it was the best of some really terrible takes! Nice of you to say what you did. It goes down well with a nice whiskey by the way!