[Jamie]

Recorded this a few months ago, a bit of rocker in maybe a Foo Fighter sort of way. I like the guitar sounds and the drive. Any feedback welcome

https://soundcloud.com/jamie1802/locked-up

Locked up

How do you explain, the things that you do
There are questions I cant ask, I don't want to know

What comes over us, the thoughts and acts
Press the button and watch, punching out the paper bag

Chorus
Spinning round and round its all breaking down
 the stage is set and the lights are dim
 pull back the curtain and walk
 you've got to walk

Its just reckless, and I take the blame
I lack the faith, and I feel the shame

Chorus

Protect me from myself, what I want and what I need
lock me up in lust and throw away the key

Chorus

[little feet]

reminds me a bit of alice in chains.. like it. i love those open chord stabs on a distorted guitar.. sounds awesome.

punching out the paper bag.

i shop around my head all day for lines like these.

good song.

advice.. dunno.. the chorus doesn't stand out enough.. the verse vocal line sounds a bit too forced.. but the bones are there.. just flesh it out a bit with some more angst in the performance perhaps?

lyrics are spot on though. lock me up in lust and throw away the key.. that line felt like someone just punched me in the crotch. i don't talk to her anymore.

[Jamie]

Hi little feet,
                   Lol, thanks for the feedback it's always appreciated. I don't often get positive comments on my lyrics, so I'll take that . Glad you liked it and your general comments are probably right too. I think I liked the guitar sounds so much I forgot about performing. I will get back to this one at some stage and beef it up a bit with a better mix and improved vocal performance.
Thanks
Jamie

[dnafe]

I know this is going to come off as rude but please don't take it that way but I get the impression that this is just a showcase for the guitar playing.

The melody lines in both the verse and chorus are pretty bland and as little feet said things sound a little forced. To my ear the vocal delivery should be sung with some passion.

This is not to say there isn't any potential, there is.

Just my $0.02 CAD

[Jamie]

Hi,
     I recognise the issues around the vocal, and I expect to go back to it later.glad you liked the guitars, me too! Your comments are mainly fair.Trouble is I don't have a gravelly voice which would better suit this song.
Thanks for listening and commenting.
Cheers
Jamie

[Neil C]

Jamie, got lots of promise. Good chord progression, great guitars and drums too.
Thoughts: I'd consider the structure so it doesn't just alternate between verse and chorus, and maybe go a quiet element somewhere or a middle eight to give it some variation?
Enjoyed it
 

[Jamie]

Hi Neil, thanks for the feedback, it's appreciated. Thanks for the ideas,ref the structure, I'll take another look.
Cheers
Jamie