[Michael]

EDIT:
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New version here
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I just finished the last recordings for my contribution to the Pawprint Challenge and thought I'd post the preliminary mix here for you guys to review and help me straighten out some of the flaws in it.

One Sided Love

HabiTat posted some lyrics for the Pawprint Challenge here and I changed some bits and added a few lines to them, so thanks again, hab

I'm not quite finished with the song, I still have to do a proper mix of it and I might re-do some of the vocals. If any of the vocalists on here want to give it a go, just give me a shout. (After all it's for a good cause )

I'm grateful for any feedback, tips, critique... etc, so thanks for listening


Oh right,... the lyrics

V1
Our love is one sided
But I won't give up
I'm sure you'll return one day

I'm cold and abandoned
Stuck in this place
It must be to help me
It must be to help me I say


V2
You left me with nothing
Just a towel and a bowl
It ran empty the day it went down

I'm sure you'll return though
One day my friend
Cause I can't see why
I can't see why you'd let me down


CHORUS
When we were younger, we walked in the park
Played fetch and had cuddles and rolled in the grass
But I guess you're no kid anymore
Cause now you are busy doing different things
You smoke and you drink and don't care about me
And I'll just be waiting out here by the door


V3
It's not the hunger
That bothers me now
It's the pain that I feel in my heart

You've left me out here now
For seven long days
And I can't raise a whimper
I can't raise a whimper to bark


V4
Being alone's not
A walk in the park
Like the ones we had when I was young

This one sided love's
getting too much to bear
And yet I can't escape
Cause I Don't have the strength left to run


BRIDGE
I never imagined
In my nice comfy home
How cold it would feel
To be all on my own
A pat on the back's
All I Want in the end of the day

CHORUS

EDIT:
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New version here
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[habiTat]

Wow Michael, I love this !!

I like how you've expanded and adapted the lyrics, good job mate.

The song itself is excellent IMO. Such an unusual rhythm with some great drums and well crafted pauses. I really like your vocal as well, it is so distinctive, like nothing else I've ever heard, in both delivery and accent. The guitars, those euro synthy bits, everything, it's really good.

As far as constructive suggestions goes, the only thing I might do is add some higher vocal harmonies to the chorus's to help them stand out more. That's just my preference though, I'm a sucker for harmonies

I'm so glad you were able to work with my lyrics, thanks for liking them enough to think them worthy of the effort you've put in. You've taken what was a rough sketch of a lyric and crafted it into something really special. You are a very clever man, I take my hat off to you sir!

hab..

[misswhiterabbit]

I'm really in to this. So much to love, the drums the big swells, strings, vocals. Where do I start?! It moves at such a pace you can keep listening to it over. I wouldn't change a thing, your right it needs a fair bit of mastering some bits are getting lost there is so much going on. Full up. So looking forward to hearing it finished. This has cheered me up so much.

[flossie]

I'm totally blown away by this, it's fantastic just don't know what else to say 

[vibesville]

It's interesting although found it a little busy musically and sometimes a little rushed. I like simplicity myself. I don't like to read lyrics at the time of listening, I prefer to hear them which I did find difficult. I don't think singing a song from the animals point of view works but again that's just me.

Not sure I've been very helpful on this one and sorry if it's a little negative, feel free to ignore my ramblings and tell me to never darken your doorstep again ;)

[tina m]

michael this is the first thing ive heard of yours & you have a realy original sound..
wow it has a sort of english 60s freakbeat sound to it  & with the dums & also the moog like synth
i cant get over how irish you sound on this tho your german!!
the lyric made me tearful so  its well written for the pawprint challenge
i thought it was great!

[Michael]

Thanks everyone for the reviews and the kind words !

@ habitat
I was actually thinking about adding harmonies to the chorus, good to hear this might be the right direction to go...
I'll try and do that, but I fear I might not be able to pull this off vocally, the highest notes you hear during the chorus are pretty much as high as I can get 

@ misswhiterabbit
Yeah I see what you mean with bits getting lost... I think I still have a lot of work to do with this (and a lot to learn)

@ flossie
Wow, this means a lot

@ vibesville
You're welcome on my doorstep anytime I do appreciate the honesty, if I wanted people to only mention what they like I might as well just play this to my mother 
I'll tidy the mix up a bit, hope it will sound a little less busy then...

@ tinam
I actually had to google "Freakbeat", still not quite sure though what exactly you mean... examples? 

i cant get over how irish you sound on this tho your german!!

This made me laugh Never heard that one before, but okay

[Binladeda]

I like this...you have a very clever musical brain michael.....I thought this song 'took off' around the 1.59 mark...astounding musicianship, how did you come up with that......wish it was mine Looking forward to the next instalment... another great song for the doggies

[Paul]

There is much to admire here Michael.  Tremendous instrumentation, from the energetic drums to the driving rhythm guitar, beautiful picked acoustic and swelling keys.  All the ingredients are here and your vocal, is the icing on the cake.  It's relentless in a very good way as it drives the point home.

Well done!

[tina m]

yes freakbeat is sort of  60s british psychedelic era without all the trippy bits... instead lyrics about clocks & cats & teaparties & summer & mice & strange girls

& you do sing like your northern irish!

[Dutchbeat]

wow, that is beautiful!!!

first sentences sound a bit rushed

and vocals in the verses a bit thin IMO


but excellent, excellent songwriting me thinks

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nooms]

very 70s almost jethro tull! just need a flute
great melody and moves along lovely, sounds like complex mix but you handle it well, always something happening, keeps changing
very nice micheal,
great work


 

[man of simple pleasures]

bloody hell sounds like a masterpiece haha really loads going on in there like, great stuff!

jesus i dont think i'm gonna get anything for this challenge as good as the stuff thats gone up like! my acoustic attempt will get lost amongst all this like!

[Kafla]

You are a right dark horse Michael

This is bloody fantastic

Phenomenal 

Speechless

Simply awesome

Love the arrangement and melody 

[RichyRowlatt]

What a cracking song Michael. It's very interesting, quite unusual, but I really love the rhythm you've picked out and the vocal effects particularly. It gets better and better each listen, dead impressed mate, dead impressed.
Richy