The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: tina m on May 15, 2017, 06:33:03 PM
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When I wote this during February Album Writing Month I thought it was going to be good,
but after I recorded it I hated it, & I wasnt going to waste any more time on it...
but then I thought Id try it with a dance beat & synths & it suddenly came alive & we was shuffling! :)
The lyrics are a converstaion between the Theatre Manager & a cleaner about the state of the dressing room
I had so much fun playing with the synth I must do it again
Elvis has left the building in a mess
its a peanut butter, bacon & banana excess
Elton has left the building in a state
the dressing room roses were a hideous mistake
Now listen here!
Ive just gotta clean this place
pick up all this dross
Ive only got a Hoover
& microfibre cloths
Hey Elvis come back & lend a hand
Hey Elton come back, act like a man
Make a mess! Hey you!
Clean it up! You big slob!
Elvis has left the building in a state
theres rhinestone jumpsuits all over the place
Elton has left the building in a mess
theres petals everywhere
I think hes regressed
Now listen here!
Ive just gotta clean this place
pick up all this dross
ive only got a Hoover
& microfibre cloths
Hey Elvis come back & lend a hand
Hey Elton come back act like a man
Make a mess! Hey you!
Clean it up! You big slob!
(c) T.Marshall 2017
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Hi Tina, long time no hear!! I've missed your fantastic,crazy,GENIUS!!! ;D this song is awesome! Lyrics are perfectly bonkers! Maybe if u had been his housekeeper things would have turned out very differently!! ;)
I love the use of synth in this, surrounded by some nice guitar touches/tricks. It's fun to step out of the comfort zone every now and then FO SHO! ;D
The only thang I would tweak is the vocal volume...I'd bump that up just a notch.
This really is another superbly quirky,catchy,classic Tina track!! Great job mate. ;D
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Hi Tina,
Don't how you could hate this.
Has a real Two-Tone / Selector feel and I love 2Tone.
Great guitars and sound affects too!
Sandeep
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Yow ! I'm so glad you didn't discard this on the beach Tina as it's a fab tune. I love the wacky synths and I thougt that we might have been getting a song without one of your amazing guitar solos. Thankfully you kept it in there. It's an absolute bouncy riot of enthusiasm and attitude. I can hear some two tone influences in there as well rude girl and hey, keep jumping those genres. My synth doesn't work any more as it's too clogged up with salt
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Hey Tina.
Duz ya recall the Oz band Split Enz and a song called 'Nobody Takes me Seriously Anyway'? It's one of my all time fav singles. Well,this has the same vibe and feel,which is great.
Overall sound is great to my ears,I've noticed a real difference in your last few songs,production wise.
As Leo said,there are places when the vocal gets a little swamped,that aside it's a winner and I'm off for another listen. 8)
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There should be an arcade game written for this to accompany. Kind of Super Mario on acid. I also loved it - wobbly, incongruous, genre-bending genius. As others have said, just bring the voice forward in the mix so the mad lyrics are clearer. You've really got to release your FAWM album.
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Really enjoyed listening to this one, Tina...I love the idea of you giving those keyboards a whirl...I've never really been a fan of them, and can't play for toffee, but they can add so much to an existing song, giving it a different feel and direction, but also giving the inspiration of doing something out of the ordinary for us predominantly guitar-y types.
I don't know if you've used keys much before? You sound quite at home with it all.
Yet another excellent imaginative adventure from you.
Strangely, I have always had a real aversion to Presley...something about him and how he sings and always came across that I disliked immensely. On top of that, I now find out what a lazy bastard he was.
He should have stuck to acting. And he was such a terrible actor.
He certainly left the bathroom in a mess, I believe.
Anyway, enough about him...it's a great song and it'd be amazing to think that a whole new world of opportunity may have opened up for you...as if you needed further inspiration :)
Most enjoyable...
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I think you've nailed your style, your production is excellent, guitar playing - The whole package not much else to say - I think your stuff deserves more listeners and I christen it - 'Quirk Rock' ;D
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Doh! I uploaded the wrong version...this is now the right one & has louder vocals & a bit more synth & also 2 different characters in it ..the idea was the Theatre Manager is complaining about the state of the dressing rooms,
& the cleaner is complaining about these spoilt, tantrum throwing superstars
I wasnt sure if some people had heard the phrase 'Elvis has left the building' which ended his shows?
Thanks for the listens & comments, & I will reply properly in a few days
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Hey,
Different instrument but 100% Tina M - no question who was behind that! And when the guitar did come in... Cracking out two lead instruments like that sounded awesome.
Perfectly techno and I couldn't stay still in my seat, lovely to hear more vocals too, I didn't catch the previous version but I'm glad you made them louder.
All the best,
Scott
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Hey Tina
Elvis - too young to die (too FAT to live ;D ;D)
Great lyrical take on the "Elvis has left..." - everybody knows that one.
I think we ended every gig with it back in the day ;D ;D
Super track - lots to like guitars, synths drums, vocals, lyrics, well, the whole shebang!
Nice work!
Paul
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Great stuff, Tina. As usual :-) Love the lyrics - an inspired idea. Great fun and most enjoyable.
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Glad I waited for the new version - vocals much more in focus. Love the juxtaposition of El-vis and El-ton.
My only slight questionmark was the "regressed" line - didn't quite seem up to par with the rest of the lyrics.
Great energy as ever and those 80s synths seem so at home... Sounding really good.
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Haha this is class!
Once again well done Tina. I am yet to hear a song of yours I haven't loved. It's excellent stuff and I have no clue how you come up with your ideas but they are very original and unique and I like the sense of humour you bring to your music.
Oh and your guitaring is killer!
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What a great title and concept!
Makes me wonder why no one's thought of it before.
The high energy synthy dance style works well I think and of course you've got your usual virtuoistic guitar worked in there nicely as well.
The vocals I found difficult. I generally couldn't make out the lyrics. I think the combination of the speed, effects and level make them a little clouded.
Apart from this though, very creative and enjoyable.
Yodasdad
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Many thanks for all the replies
I suppose Im a little disappointed only one person said 'catchy', as that was what I was aiming for here, big time, above everything else...I normally end songs quick but here I decided to do the catchy maximise thing by repeating the chorus over & over for extra infectiousness...but you were all immune :(
Sandeep : yes I suppose it is a bit 2 Tone, thats funny bcos I heard it as dance pop until you said that
Leo: If Id have been Elvis's housekeeper I think Id need a staff of about 50! He lived in a palace didnt he ...well he was the King :)
John: Sorry to hear about your synth!..you must cut down on your salt, its bad for your blood pressure ...Sprinkle your synth with little olive oil instead :)
Pauly: I have never understood this Super Mario thing he looks like a Italian plumber not a super hero? ...Thank you for your enthusiasm for my FAWM album!
Paul Ads: No I was never a Elvis fan either! but he was incredibly good looking so he was worth watching if nothing else :)
Playing keyboards is easy, you just work out the chord shapes like on a fretboard & pretend youre playing one handed guitar.. except you now have a free hand for nibbles & things ...its great!
Morefrog: Yes we definitely need more quirkiness...if all these muslim terrorists were quirky instead of fundamentalist & went round playing pranks instead of murdering, I am sure Allah would be a lot happier
Davy: I checked out your Split Enz song ...omg I hope you didnt take any fashion guidance from them! ;D
Yoda: I cant think why you couldnt make out the lyrics? Maybe you were thinking about pole dancing again & werent concentrating! ;D
Scott: I love to hear of people attempting to dance while sitting in a chair.. it sounds so reckless :)
Darren: I love to read your comments you are are very kind! & havent been here long enough to get fed up with me yet :)
Adam: Knowing what a big spoilt baby Elton can be, I thought 'regressed' was a good word
but maybe it sounds a bit clumsy
Paulski: Im sure you would know the expression 'Elvis has left the building' being from Northern USA ;D ...but wasnt sure if Brits knew it so well?
Derek: Im sure the music isnt realy your thing, so thank you...glad you liked the idea :)
hope I havent missed any body out!
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Dear Tina.
Good luck with your song.
Elvis is a kind of icon of mine.
I once etched him in 1980.
I have done Art all my life and was once an Efit artist.
Regards
Jackdaw1888 :-)
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Tinam,
I liked the original version, this works too. This is what I originally wrote and it still stands
"Great title and intro. Like the energetic arrangement / some great lines in there. Regression !
And a solo. Just hoping its on a lime green ibenez?
Short and all the better for it. If Fawm has talked me one thing brevity is your friend."
I think your vocals should be a little less hidden in the mix.
:)
Neil
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Darren: I love to read your comments you are are very kind! & havent been here long enough to get fed up with me yet
Hah! I will work on my meanness :-[
I listened to this again today and stand by all my praise of your work. Do you have the album available to listen to full? I'd be keen to listen
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Do you have the album available to listen to full? I'd be keen to listen
I havent bothered putting out a album for some years...& i still have mxed thoughts about it, but a few people have expressed interest recently, which is nice
so thank you for your interest Darren & if you can wait till August I should have something ready by then :)
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No doubt about it you got style Tina in those fingers of yours and thoughts, interested in collaboration.
I've a lyric from years back that might suit your style but you might have to go beyond three minute 8)
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Another enjoyable listen. This is trademark Tina! Love your highly imaginative sense of humour.
I wouldn't be overly concerned about people not referring to it as catchy. i think it's partly the style of the song also in the way it's produced that means there are a lot of melodies, and effects competing for the listeners attention. I think because of this, there is not one single melody that stands out. You definitely have a knack for catchy melodies, but I personally think this is more evident in some of your other songs. In particular, The Cars go by and Storm Girl, where the vocal melodies are given much more room to breathe. Just my tuppence. Thanks for posting. Micky.
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Hi Tina, I was hearing an unholy marriage between talking heads and the buggles, I know I'll keep taking the tablets. A lot of fun and the quirky synths worked well. You have some strange ideas girl!
Cheers
Jamie
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Hi Tina,
Damn you........How come all your songs are so catchy....Ha love this one...
They all give me a little chuckle when I think, "this is great, how did she come up with that"
Think I said before, not sure whats goin on in Tina's world but it sounds more fun than mine.
Nice work,
Andy
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Loads of fun tina, both lyrically and musically! Great to see that you are embracing new instruments to compliment your guitar driven recordings. Awesome that you have conjured so many songs from FAWM.
Paul
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Quirk Rock indeed! Mad in a good way as always, however I do miss some of your trademark fretwork and the synths was not quite my cup of tea. Doing mad things with a guitar requires skills while doing mad things with a synth only requires, well, madness?
So, for me this was definitely a Tina song but not (to me) not quite as good as your best.
Loved the lyrics btw!
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Do you have the album available to listen to full? I'd be keen to listen
I havent bothered putting out a album for some years...& i still have mxed thoughts about it, but a few people have expressed interest recently, which is nice
so thank you for your interest Darren & if you can wait till August I should have something ready by then :)
I will be waiting eagerly but no rush :P I can be patient ;) Thanks Tina