[crystalsuzy]

Hi guys, I've been working on this song, off and on, for a while now I don't know if it's working or not. Time for some input     It's a WIP...so any feedback is welcome 
It's kind of a follow up to 'In The Name of God"   
Anyway, here's the link...the lyrics are posted on SC

https://soundcloud.com/crystalsuzy/i-dont-fit-in/s-bDap6

[mondobongo]

I liked the rhythm of this right from the start and was quickly drawn in by the lyric, "7 billion people, spinning through space" is a good line. Nice melody, I absolutely love the rise of "Insanity! Profanity! Vanity!" it would be great if this melody could be repeated again in  the song. The sitar part that comes in at 1:48 is a great little hook.
The only part that didn't quite work for me is when Elton John appears at 2:32. While the contrast in dynamics works very well I just didn't think this particular piano part fitted like a glove. Probably because the rest of the song is so perfectly crafted.
The spoken vocal "Who am I? what’s my purpose here? how do I fit in?" works very well.
At 4:00 we are in for a huge treat. This epic "speech" (sorry I don't know the right word for this kind of epilogue/soliloquy thing) turns the song on it's head and offers a resolution to the sturm und drang of the verses, leading us from despair to hope. Absolutely love it, must have taken you ages to hone this.
Great song!

[shadowfax]

Wow!!awesome...I'm not a fan of the telephone effect on the vox and it's difficult to hear the words.

love the guitar work in this and the madness of the singing juxtaposed with the mega harmonies..a strange but super mixture..
I keep hearing a sort of Mamas and Papas thing..obviously something to do with the harmonies, I think you should make this more obvious..nobody does this nowadays so why not,..

a brilliant arrangement and look forward to hearing the finished article..you say this isa WIP..

did you accidentally post in the wrong place ?..just asking..not criticizing. 

best, Kevin 

[diademgrove]

Hi Suzy,

wonderful stuff. I hear loads of places for howls of guitar feedback. I agree with mondobongo about the piano. I'd be tempted to go a capella for that section.

Great song,

Keith

[Jamie]

Hi Suzy, love this. the up tempo feel as it starts drew me in straight away. Loved the guitar stuff too. The vocal effects work really well on this song. Interesting sounds and instrument choices. All good.i loved your quote on the comments ' this is my normal voice' LOL.
Cheers
Jamie

[Wolfini]

Very ambitious... lots of text to fit in 5 minutes of music. ;-)

I like the concept and layout of the song, but overall the mix and production does not yet totally work for me. So, since you use asked for it, here are some suggestions: The vocal fx sound good, but get a bit tedious with time, so maybe mix them up a little bit, eg. in the piano section you could use a clearer vocal sound? (though I agree the piano did not fit so well itself, maybe use more of an electro piano or wurlitzer sound for it?). Maybe you could also try to use more electronic sounding drums better fitting the bass and techno-like music, than those rockish drums now? The whole mix is quite centered on the high frequencies and could use some more bass and lower mids imo.

The lyrics are great however, and also the delivery. My recently finished album also centered around this feeling of a discrepancy between the self and the rest of the world, so I can fully relate to your song here.

Bye Wolfi

[pompeyjazz]

Hi Suzy, I love this. The rhythm is very quirky and unique. There is so much going on that I am going to have to give this a few more listens. There is a grungy feel to it but then - Hey ! Banjo.

I think this is a very clever piece of work

John

[adamfarr]

Enjoyable and original stuff! But for me maybe a few too many different ideas going on? Personally I really didn't like the banjo sound around 2'00... it seemed too big a contrast. The final monologue sounded appropriately space-age and dystopical - but maybe a little long for my personal taste.

But I really enjoyed the more upbeat sections - like the part from 30" (insanity etc.) and more especially the rock sections ('I don't understand this'... around 58" and again around 3'20" - for me these are the highlights and I would be tempted to build the song around these two motifs.

[rightly]

Quite surprised by this, I don't usually get to hear this kind of music.
Very smart stuff with a lot of ideas, yet still concise.
Thank you.

[PaulAds]

this is great, Suzy...there's enough great stuff in here for two or three songs!

it's a madcap commando-raid of words and music...and my only suggestion would be to leave everything exactly as it is...

if you don't fit in - i don't want to fit in either 

[hardtwistmusic]

The piece that begins "I don't understand this fear based ideology" is Perfect to my ears.  

I would suggest building the entire song around that piece and making it a repeating chorus.  Specifically, I'd like to hear it three times instead of just twice.  To my ears, it's perfect both musically, lyrically, and in terms of vocal timing.  

I understand the use of multiple rapid tempo rhymes to create a sense of confusion and insanity. . . but I'm not sure it isn't overdone.  Specifically, I felt the first verse was excessively confused.  In fact, the following verses were perfect to my ears.  

I also felt that some sequence changes could have helped convey this idea better.  I don't have time tonight, but I'll look again tomorrow with a specific suggestion to open with one of the later verses, and move the first verse down in the sequence.  From memory, I think that the piece that begins "7 billion people spinning through space" would be an extremely appropriate opening set of lines. 

Most of all, I felt that the vocal timing on that first set of rapid fire rhymes could have been smoother and allowed the listener a greater "access" to the lyrics.  

Paulads mentioned "there's enough great stuff in there for two or three songs."  There is.... but (in this case, and only this case) I feel that it would reach more listeners if there were only one song's worth of great lines and a tighter focus.  

I think this can get a lot better and do not suggest "leave everything exactly as it is."  

Hope this helps.  I'm rooting for this song to get better.

Took a second listen and modified some of my observations.  

BTW.....  I loved the long, spoken lead-out.  

[olivergearing]

I bl**dy love this forum!

This is totally crazy and different to anything I've heard before, but is really effective. I'm going to have to listen to this like 5 times to understand what's going on...

It's like reading a book, with several chapters, that move toward the climax of a story.

I love the rockier sections, and also enjoyed the banjo section.

My suggestion would be to get this recorded with some real drums, and really rock up the rock sections. Perhaps a bit more light and shade between the sections, but not much to change from a songwriting perspective in my opinion...

[hardtwistmusic]

I bl**dy love this forum!

Isn't it incredible?   I  had to smile when I read that because I've said that so many times, and THOUGHT IT at least twice per visit here. 

[hardtwistmusic]

I took another several listens.  Really, the only suggestion I have for how to improve this lies in the sequence.   Each time I listen, I become more convinced that the opening part needs to stay as confused and confusing as it is, but each time I listen, I also become more convinced that it needs to happen later in the song. 

I'm certainly capable of being wrong.  And no matter what, this is a lyrical and musical triumph.  My admiration for your intellectual and musical talents continues to grow.   

[Paulski]

Very creative work CS - and it is a work with all its interlocking sections and tangents.
Lyrics are superb and some of it sounds almost post-modern like the world needs to catch up to what CS is doing. EPIC my Canadian friend EPIC.

Paul