The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: kevysc on January 23, 2024, 01:20:14 PM
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It's been a while, but nice to see a mix of new and old faces here :) Would love comments and suggestions.
https://soundcloud.com/kevinism1961/you-can-save-me?si=6a31c9179af4470f9d58ebef5204c161&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing
You Can Save Me
I've been drinking in the morning
I've been drinking late at night
I've been drinking to forget about
The things that came to light
In the mornings I feel helpless
It's hard to face another day
And when the night comes I feel hopeless
There's nothing I can say
Chorus
You can save me
You can save me from the future
Help me forget about the past
It's gone, there's nothing I can change
If you save me
We can build a better future
Let's forget about the past
It's gone, there's nothing we can change
When did you find out I was stealing?
Things go missing all the time
I closed my eyes and keep believing
That it would be alright
And this habit I've been feeding
Makes me feel like a a bad man
A man who's struggles with his demons
As only weak men can
Chorus
And I will always remember how low I sank
But now it's time to get on with the rest of our lives
The rest of our lives
Chorus
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Yeah nice work, good chorus and good lyrics, my only thought would be to lose the jangly guitar in at least one chorus, I reckon having it all the way through reduces it's impact.
and maybe some harmonies in one of the choruses...but, hey this is good work mate.
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What a cool laid back rock vibe this has. I enjoyed it start to finish. Your voice sounds startlingly like late David Bowie at the end of this song, it’s spooky (in a good way).
Cheers - John.
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Very nice @kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775) and vocals are reminiscent of a Mr Bowie, especially the backing vocals. This has got a cool feeling of desperation and loss of hope, you communicate that really well. I thought this was excellent Kev :)
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Very good! I haven't heard your music for a few years, so I haven't kept up to date. I think you've been practicing your vocals because they are noticeably better than I remember. Nice job! This song sounds like it would be right at home in a musical.
Vicki
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Great vocals on a very good song. The arrangement didn't thrill me though - I felt the drum patterns were a bit too bland, and that resulted in everything not feeling very glued together. Still, it was pretty memorable and it's still swirling in my head as I write this, so you definitely did something right IMO.
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Hey man
Very cool song , smooth BGV's
Its all tight in the pocket
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Many thanks to everyone for listening. I have posted (probably several) updates, incorporating most of the feedback, so much appreciated
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) I have taken the jangley guitar down and some extra synths etc in the chorus!
@Whiskey Club (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=23120) Glad you liked it and thanks for the Bowie comparisons. I am actually his long lost Irish cousin ( not really :) )
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) Cool desperation and loss of hope is just what I was aiming for :)
@CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) Maybe my vocals are maturing with age, but I actually think I have upgraded my equipment and learned (including from those on here) a little about better recording :)
@Bankie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21332) yep, damn drums are definitely my Achilles heel. I did change it up a little and switched kits, which I think is at least a little better. I probably need to spend some time learning how to better use EZDrummer :)
@Elvis Nash (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22812) Cheers, many thanks!