Songwriter Forum > Feedback on Works in Progress
Demo song-King of broken things
Jamie:
http://soundcloud.com/jamie1802/king-of-broken-things/s-PRUzD
Originally a slower and longer song I decided to cut it shorter, speed it up and use different instrumentation. Interested to hear views. And it's not autobiographical :-)
King of broken things
I don't know why I'm here, I don't remember why your'e here
Spiralling out of control and twisting in the wind
Reason doesn't work any more and logic doesn't apply
joyless and deceitful hopeless and forlorn
Chorus
I'm the king of broken things I'm the master of farewell- repeat
Voices just out of hearing movement at the edge of your sight
You're alone but not on your own are you tormented by the silence?
Chorus
I can remember when I could see into the light
I can remember when I could touch and feel
Life will never be the same again
Dependant and depraved I'm watching in the dark
I can hear you breathing but you don't know I'm there
Life will never be the same again
Chorus
And I can remember when.........
S.T.C:
Yeah it`s getting there..it`s a bit retro ,late 80`s/90`s sound( having a second listen as i write)
like the energy that flows thru it...depeche mode.Tears for Fears ish..with someone else who i can`t think of @themo....
Work on it some more then i think it will be a good track.
Neil C:
Good title. Its energetic, powerful with the minor melodies and key changes. I liked it.
Thoughts:
Perhaps you could look at the dynamics and vary the arrangement to heighten the chorus and differentiate the verse and maybe a Solo after the quiet section and before you come back into the main section at 2.07
I think I'd to hear your vocals a bit more top of the mix.
:)
Neil
Jamie:
Hi guys,
Thanks for the feedback.I recorded this some weeks ago and I know it needs to be worked on a bit more (Neil your comments about the arrangement are relevant,thanks) but there is an energy in that version that I really like it almost sounds like a live recording of a band. In truth it was recorded very quickly more or less all in first takes.I expected comments about the darkness of the lyrics (dark even by my standards) so not sure if that's good or bad?
Thanks again, I'll keep working on this one!
Cheers
Jamie
darreldo:
I like it, got a bind feel to the music, id just try to mix the vocals abit better, they seem abit didstant to me, either that or im going deaf!
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
Go to full version