The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: crystalsuzy on October 30, 2017, 10:15:48 AM
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Hi guys, Slipping in at the last minute as usual ::) The song isn't really very polished, but it's kind of quirky and I'm hoping it won't really matter that much ;D I hope you find it entertaining :) It was inspired by a dream/night mare I had a while ago ::)
Thanks for listening and any comments welcome :)
https://soundcloud.com/crystalsuzy/a-bad-day
I woke this morning and jumped out of bed
The phone ringing and I banged my head
Someone said you’d better come quick
I think your son’s in a hell of a fix!
So I brushed my teeth and grabbed my purse
Ran downstairs, and ‘shit’ I cursed
The car was gone; it just wasn’t there
And honestly, I don’t usually swear!
What did I do to deserve such a bad day?
What did I do to deserve such a bad day?
I hoped on my bike, and peddled real fast
Started to sweat, I was kicking ass
People were honking and starring at me
I’d forgotten to dress you see
Turned around and headed for home
Suddenly I was in a danger zone
My wheel fell off; I fell in a hole
Filled with oil; I was back as coal
I sank down, down, down, down into the depths of the earth
Through a highway of roots; an endless maze of twists and turns
The air was dank and tiny glowing eyes were the only bits of light,
in this dark abyss. The sound, as millions of bugs crawled through
this strange amphitheatre, was amplified to unbearable levels .
Was I in hell? What horrible deed had I done?
Suddenly I was in the hole again, gasping for air
What did I do to deserve such a bad day?
What did I do to deserve such a bad day?
I climbed right out of that sticky mess
I was slippery and back, and in distress
I swore again and it rhymed with muck
How much more could this really suck?
I stood there pondering what to do next
Black and nude, just a total wreck
I began to feel real sorry for myself
A breakdown was coming, ya I needed help!
What did I do to deserve such a bad day?
What did I do to deserve such a bad day?
Threw myself down and began to scream
Then it dawned on me I was in a dream
They’re digging up the sewer across the road
Some boys fell in trying to lighten their load!
I jumped out of bed and banged my head
My heart was thumping; I was full of dread
Oh my God! Where my son?
Did he fall in the sewer shooting his gun?
What did I do to deserve such a bad day?
What did I do to deserve such a bad day?
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Ha ha! I love it, CS :D
Listening at work, I nearly crashed the van when I heard the bagpipes part! I looked for that bit in the lyrics but couldn’t find it, so maybe I’m thinking you might have actually driven me crazy. I will have to have another listen just to be sure I didn’t imagine it...trippy :o
Brilliant lyrics, captured perfectly in your fabulous cartoon style!
Great to hear from you again :)
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Soooo cool, energetic and quirky. Every bit of this is a new exciting ghostly funky journey. Didn't know what was a coming around the next corner. Eek. Oooh, love that down down down synth. Your style of vocals on this one reminded me of "the waitresses" christmas wrapping.
This is really cool. Hilarious bagpipes bit, lol. Loved it. dark satirical and funkily unnerving.
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Yo CS.
Well,I don't know about dark,but it made me laugh out loud several times! :D
Maybe it's just schadenfreude in action?
A witty and cleverly executed piece which holds the attention all the way. The bagpipes line was a hoot. :D
Polished or not,it's highly entertaining! 8)
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As usual you lead us on a whacky journey with your music, on which you can't help but visualise the imagery evoked by your lyrics.
I was trying to think of a situation or scene etc where this would fit and I thought I can't imagine it making it on to anyone's 'Music to make love to' playlist, and just then the heavy breathing came in, so maybe...
Very creative both lyrically and musically, again.
Yodasdad
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entertaining, eclectic, quirky...all of the above, quite brilliant really,
lost for words..just fab!!!
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Wow, I'm breathless after that! Funk, punk, scratching, jazz, Bond music, bagpipes; let alone an album, there's enough for a whole career just in this one track... In this case, you really take us inside the mind of someone on the edge of ... something dark, the title being a total understatement. Good to see you back around here.
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Absolutely brilliant. Really creative and odd but lots of little hooks like the twangy guitar and scratchy-kid-voice to keep it addictive. Loved the "breathless" percussion noise too. Wow.
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Hi CS. So good to hear you again. This is absolutely brilliant :) Such a mish mash of vibrations. Some excellent little earworms. Bagpipes and heavy breathing, Inspirational ;D
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Wow - all those lyrics in 3:30! I do love your style and it's been too long since I've heard something new from you. I loved the song - it is full of wit and imagination. Reminded me of Joni Mitchell when she was having a happy day. Again one of your incredibly dense productions and you just never know what's coming next. I would hope this is a real contender to win this competition. I bloody loved it!
M
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I really like this Suzy.
Your voice is very cool and this holds my attention from start to finish. Very dark too!
Paul
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Love this Suzy, really quirky and made me laugh all the way through, but especially the bagpipes line, well performed too, it reminded me of Tom Tom Club.
Mikey
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Haha, that was great. I can totally relate: car is broke, washing mashine is dead, job is going out too... but hey, it could still come worse (and I am sure it will) ;-)
I think this chorus will be stuck in my head for the next days or weeks. I will make it my mantra.
The scratching parts were wonderful, and well yes, the bagpipes of course. :)
Very cool stuff, Bye Wolfi
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Thanks so much everyone for listening and your very kind and supportive comments :)
I know this isn't a really dark song...it's more like black humour ;D ;D
I'm glad the bagpipes came off without offending anyone ;D ;D I actually don't mind them at all ;)
"I can't imagine it making it on to anyone's 'Music to make love to' playlist, and just then the heavy breathing came in, so maybe..." LOL, Yoda!
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man
you re one of the few artists (in general) that surprise me with almost every new song.
how do you do that?
i mean; i could pick out stuff; like the "scratched"? vocals; the tense rhythmic; but it s really always a journey and i think you are a super creative person.
ty 4 sharing
B
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Oh Suzy,
How do you do it? How do you come up with such things?
Dark genius.
No idea where to start. It's just - from another planet.
Bagpipes ;D
Loved it.
Digger
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Suzy - very funky and creative.
Great organic almost live sound - timing is impeccable ;D ;D
Should do well IMHCO
Paul
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CS,
You've put a smile on my face with this.
starts off like a true story then of course off down the rabbit hole of your imagination
Love the bagpipes bit!
All hangs together.
Cleaver, catchy and disconcerting
:)
neil
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man
you re one of the few artists (in general) that surprise me with almost every new song.
how do you do that?
i mean; i could pick out stuff; like the "scratched"? vocals; the tense rhythmic; but it s really always a journey and i think you are a super creative person.
ty 4 sharing
B
Thanks so much for listening and your very kind remarks :) "a super creative person" :) What more could I ask for :)
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Great stuff!! This is really bouncy and really clever. I liked everything about this and especially the attention to details - the out of breath panting was a great addition. Really creative and fun!!
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Hi Suzy,
amazing, what else is there to say, brilliant.
Good luck in the competition.
Keith
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Hi CS ;D
One of your best. Immaculately put together. Just love what you've got
going on in the BV's and harmonies. An amazing trip through your imagination.
More an installation than just a song.
Highlights for me were the Wordy Rappinghood style vocals, and that outbreak
of funk ;D ;D
A real joy Suzy...loved it xx
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Oh Suzy,
How do you do it? How do you come up with such things?
Dark genius.
No idea where to start. It's just - from another planet.
Bagpipes ;D
Loved it.
Digger
Thanks digger :) this particular song came from a dream/night-mare, so no wonder if wounds like it's form another planet :o :)
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Suzy - very funky and creative.
Great organic almost live sound - timing is impeccable ;D ;D
Should do well IMHCO
Paul
thanks my fellow Canuck :) "timing is impeccable"! Wow! I don't think I've ever had that compliment :o
You were right...it did do well, so thanks for that prediction ;D ;D
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CS,
You've put a smile on my face with this.
starts off like a true story then of course off down the rabbit hole of your imagination
Love the bagpipes bit!
All hangs together.
Cleaver, catchy and disconcerting
:)
neil
Thanks for your kind remarks Neil :) If all I do is put a smile on someones face, I'm happy ;D