[Martinswede]

Hi!

This is my second posted song here on FoFs.
Its, as always, about love. A universal theme it seems.
I wrote it in a short while and re recorded it about 5 months ago.
The chord progression is ultra simple and just repeats.
No music theory applied at all. Just listening to good music.

All input appreciated

Link

https://soundcloud.com/martin-jarnevi/say-it

Lyrics

Say It

I know I´m not the one to say it          
But I´m the only one who feels it
You made it look like a crime
Now I´m the only one around

The question mark won´t disappear
But I´m tired of waiting for an answer
Nothing ever changes
I´m the same as when we first met

The difference is just a small thing
But it will never be that simple
It takes a seed to make an apple
It takes a will to make it happen

You wanted it invincible
You asked for the impossible
Defying unwritten laws
Go on at any cost

You´r still tired
It´s all you´ve acquired
It´s better to drown your sorrow
Forget there´s a tomorrow

None of  what you see is important
It will only give you boredom
You´ve always been so helpful
I´ll always be there for you   

Copyright © Martin Järnevi 2016

Cheers,
- Martin

[kevysc]

 This is a little reminescent of Neil Young and the chord sequence is good, lyrics fine but it could really do with some variation to keep the listeners interest. I'd suggest adding a chorus, possibly building on the song title "say it"

Kevin

[Steng]

Hi Martin, got to agree with Kevin, starts off great and then needs some variation in melody or mood to keep you hooked. The production on the vocals made me feel a tad dizzy, there's two vocal tracks right? For some reason they made my head spin, not sure why? Also to echo Kevin a nice hooky chorus would make this one. I know the lyrics are probably personal but I'm intrigued, share a bit more.

[Skub]

Hi Martin.

An endearingly plaintive song and I liked it up to a point,but I feel it needs a bridge/hook to make it really take off. The potential is there,but I don't think it's finished just yet. Also,with such a repeating chord sequence everything needs to be tight to carry the song,but there were timing mismatches between guitars I found distracting.

[IronKnee]

Hey there M.....that Lennonesc voice sucks me in, every time. Love the vibe.
I think this could be more effective at a higher speed. IMHO.....this should be at a good foot tapping speed.
Good song........good stuff!
                                                       -Tom

[pompeyjazz]

Hi there Martin,

Agree with the comments regarding the Neil Young feel to this song. Nice acoustic work going on here. Your vocals are fragile and have a sort of "Other world" feel to them. See what you're trying to do with the panning for the dual vocal effect but personally would have bought them more into the centre of the mix. Think the lyrics reflect the fragile feel of the song. The only thing I would suggest would be to introduce a different section into this song as otherwise it's just a series of repeated V/C
Interesting work though and I like it.

[Jamie]

Hi,  like your voice it's interesting. The chord structure was fine and the melody worked well enough, but as others have said plaintive as it was I was waiting for some variation in structure, melody,harmony or arrangement to keep my interest. I'd have another go at this song and try to write a chorus/bridge to go with it!
Cheers
Jamie

[boolio]

Hi,
Lyrically interesting with a simple coherent melody this really stands up to scrutiny.
Obviously work is put through the critical mangle on this forum and maybe isn’t listened to in a way that may be expected normally, as such, if a piece ends up ‘surviving’ the slings and arrows of (mostly) qualified criticism the songwriter succeeds, as you have here I believe.

Okay the addition of some variation may make for a more traditional song set up but for me the song just seems to work and is performed superbly well.

Really enjoyed the listen

Phil

[LAquila]

Strong vocals and nice guitar but I gotta agree with the others about the need for something to break the song up a little, even if it's just a bridge. Choruses are a bit overrated, IMO.

You know, it IS possible to vary the melody while maintaining the same chord progression. I've been messing around with that idea lately, largely because I get bored trying to work a new chord progression into a song I like enough as it is. If you want an example of how well this can be done, just have a look at 'Creep'...it's G-B-C-Cm the whole way through, no exceptions. (Sure, they ripped it off a bit and lost the subsequent copywrite suit, but whatevs).

cheers.
L

[digger72]

Hi Martin,

Really liked the lyrics.
Good vocal and simple but effective musical back drop.
I don't have an issue with the simple structure and lack of variation - for me the music is just a vehicle carrying the lyrics.
I agree though, it would be quite simple to add some variation - just  shift the vocal an octave up or something - maybe throw in some backing vocals.

Liked it.

Digger

[Martinswede]

Hi everyone!

I appreciate all your thoughts about my music. I often fall back to mixing
in headphones since I got no good speakers in my study. That might
give a distorted stereo image.

I've never thought about adding another part. I think the monotone way
makes things more of a mantra. An inner dialogue. The thoughts of
someone breaking apart. But I understand what you are saying and
I'll consider/argue with my guitar if another part fits. I just got a
harmonica in the right key so who knows?

I see three options:
Another vocal part over the same chords. (Not likely)
An instrumental part over the same chords. (Likely)
A new part working on another level thematically and melodically. (Very likely)

Again, thank you all for your helpful and guiding input!

- Martin

[jamesh]

Hi Martin

I have to agree with the other comments. It needs variation, and your option 3 seems like the best choice.

Of course with 6 verses already, to add a chorus and/or an instrumental is going to make it a long song, so you might have to lose one or two. How about using some existing lyrics to help make your chorus?

It has the making of a good song, with good chord progression and vocal performance, but add some variation, and it will hold the listeners ear for longer

Thanks

James

[Martinswede]

Hi jamesh!

Thanks for your comment.
I checked the length of my song and its 'only'
2:50. A decent length imo. I've written a B part. Not
really a chorus but with different chords and melody.
Now the form is A-A-B-A-B-outro. It will turn it into
a long song but since the B part changes things around
I think it will work. If I get to record it I might post it in
WiP.

I'm really glad for the input. It has made me rethink how
I write songs. Verse, verse, verse, bridge, verse or so.
I don't preform so I don't get that much response to my songs.
This forum has given me a bigger perspective.

Thanks to all of you,

- Martin

[adamfarr]

Liked it a lot - will be interesting to see the modified version.

I do tend to agree that the atmosphere was spot on but the lack of a handle to grab onto plays against it being memorable (sometimes repitition could do this but here I think contrast would work fine). Hooks can be instrumental of course too, though there are plenty of vocal sections that would also bear a reprise as a chorus of sorts (including the first one which not only reinforces the title but has a different rhyme scheme to differentiate it)

Nice work!

[tboswell]

Reminds me quite a bit of Eliiot Smith, with the double tracked, quiet vocals.

Song wise I found it hard to get into, there is a just no hook or repetition to latch on to and catch the ear.

Using a simple chord sequence is fine but you may want to add something new melodically or lyrically at some point or the listener will switch off. Their ears will be saying to themselves "I've heard this chord and melody combo before in the song, guess I've heard everything" and they tune out.

If you have a lyrically hook to ground it (like Bob Dylan used to do often, returning the same last line in each verse to tie things together, he fid that for ages in Desolation Row) it can work. But as is, I drift off a bit I'm afraid.

My 2 cents anyway, hope it helps.

Tom.