[kevysc]

This song is about looking back on a failed relationship. Would love to get comments.

https://www.reverbnation.com/kevinism/song/27384144-a-picture-of-you

You're staring out at the view
As you sip your champagne
And that dress you are wearing is new
You got it specially for the wedding

Your skin was supple and tanned
Did you ever look better?
But why are you standing alone
When we should be together?


Chorus:
All I've got is  this picture of you
There's nothing else that remains
You got what you wanted
And I got this picture of you

The sun sets slowly on the horizon

I can tell from the look on your face
You were thinking of other things
And that smile just seems out of place
Were you ever really happy with me?

Chorus

The sun sets slowly on the horizon

But wait, when you look back
How do you remember that year?
I sometimes wonder if we were really in love
But hey, we've both moved on
And we are much older now
And maybe wiser, it was a long time ago

The sun sets slowly on the horizon

[mickyplankton]

Hi Kevy. The first time I listened to this song I thought it was quite pleasant but it didn't affect me.  I've listened to it again and I liked it a lot more. It's a grower. The best thing about this song is your voice and the baselines. The production is strong like the last song you posted. The acoustic guitar is well done. It's subtle.
Lyrically, it tells yet another story of love and loss. Which seems to be the most common theme on this forum! but it's quite well done so overall a good job pal.

[ecasasmusic]

Nice love song. I like your voice and your singing style. The song sounds good, maybe the drum machine is the weakest part of all. Anyway very good job, this is a lovely song.

[mikek]

hi there, i'm new to this forum and i've listened to a number of songs...this is only my second post.   i'm posting on your song because i like it quite a bit.

though this is in a forum topic "completed" i'm assuming that your opening statement soliciting comments is suggestive of critical feedback so i'm going to give it a go.  I hope that is what you are asking for and that i'm not sticking my foot in my mouth (though it would not be the first time).

i found myself reading and re-reading the first verse trying to figure out if the dress is a wedding dress.  i'm still not clear on whether that is true or not.  the reason i bring this up is because of the clear choice to not rhyme the 2nd and 4th lines.  I'm not the rhyme police and use that sort of method myself frequently.  it just got me to thinking if this is a wedding dress then the writer explicitly omitted the word 'day' from the last line in the first verse.  because its screaming for that word, in my opinion, and made for an uncomfortable, unresolved pause, to my ear.

I would consider giving the listener another round of lines for that first verse, basically doubling it, before building into that chorus for the first time.  to me, it feels like we end up in the chorus a bit too quickly.

i'm not a huge fan of repeating the word 'picture' in the chorus.  i think the chorus could be stronger if you explored another way around that idea.

this line is worth repeating   "The sun sets slowly on the horizon"  maybe at the end of the song a few times?  something to play with i think.

I'm probably really bad at giving positive feedback and over opinionated on the negative, but really, i think the song is very good.   i like the timbre of your voice...kind of Ray Davies like. Actually,  the first thing i thought I heard was a Kinks influence.  Excellent production as well.  If this is a demo it is an extremely well done demo in my opinion.

[Skub]

Yo Kev.

I really enjoyed the song and like most identified with the lyrical content. Your voice is expressive,emotive and carries the song well.

The only down side is the relentless drum sound the whole way though,even dropping out now and again would be easier listening than all the way. The song is good,but the dull drums hold it back.

[irwin]

Hi Kevy, Pleasant song. The singing is good..... I think you know how to use your voice and for each song, well done. Glad I had the chance to listen to this song.

[TimCurtis]

This sounds good - you sound like a cross between Bowie and Kevin Rowland.   I like the lyrics - I'm assuming there's a bit of autobiography in there but I apologise now if I'm wrong.  Would I change anything?  Not really. Possibly turn the drums up a little, but fine as they are.

Good work and I enjoyed listening to it.

[IronKnee]

Great song.....you must be a Bob Dylan fan  This really smacks of something that BD would write,
Good stuff!! I like the singing, and the production is really good.
Kudos
                         -T

[digger72]

Hi Kevin

The guitars sound very good.; light and bouncy
The drums a little bit tip-tappy for me.
The vocal carries the song well.

Nice one.

Digger

[kevysc]

Thanks to everyone for the constructive feedback. I have posted a new version, incorporating the suggestion of Mikek to add some extra lines to the first verse. I also plan to work a little more on the drums (any volunteers to add a drum track would be most welcome!)

Thanks for listening,

Kevin

Great song.....you must be a Bob Dylan fan  This really smacks of something that BD would write,
Good stuff!! I like the singing, and the production is really good.
Kudos
                         -T

I've always admired Dylan's lyrics, so will take that as a compliment!

Yo Kev.


The only down side is the relentless drum sound the whole way though,even dropping out now and again would be easier listening than all the way. The song is good,but the dull drums hold it back.

Ah to have a REAL drummer to play with ... I agree the drums are not great and plan to work on them later.

though this is in a forum topic "completed" i'm assuming that your opening statement soliciting comments is suggestive of critical feedback so i'm going to give it a go.  I hope that is what you are asking for and that i'm not sticking my foot in my mouth (though it would not be the first time).


I would consider giving the listener another round of lines for that first verse, basically doubling it, before building into that chorus for the first time.  to me, it feels like we end up in the chorus a bit too quickly.

Your feedback is constructive and VERY welcome, thanks for taking the time. I have taken your advice on adding an extra 4 lines in the first verse and I think it works well!

[mikek]

I like the new words lot

[pompeyjazz]

Hi Kevy. Thought this was good.  Great melody and nice acoustic guitar although one panned too far left and a bit too loud maybe?  Your vocals sound a lot more confident compared with your last song. It's always great to hear that progression.  My nit however was the snare drum sound. Sorry to be critical but it just seemed too artificial for this type of song and was quite relentless.  Anyway that's my critique. I think you have a good one on the go here and with a couple of adjustments would sound great

[kevysc]

Thanks again for the feedback. I've posted a new version with a different drum track and would be interested to hear comments.

Kevin

[pompeyjazz]

Hey Kevin, this is sounding so much better now. Really good song. It's just popping out at the top though in places.  Well done man

[Skub]

Yeah Kev,mucho improved.

Your voice is a bit like Ian Hunter in places.

It's a cracker.