[crystalsuzy]

Hi guys, Here's one I've been working on and I don't know if it's working or not It's about the over prescribing of prescription drugs, particularly opiates and benzo's and the devastating effect it has on
the life of this particular, young person The Doctors name happened to be Dr Symons, so that's why I brought the 'Simon's Says' game into the song...if indeed it is a song at all  
How's the mix? Are the words easily understood? Is it too chaotic? Does the title work?
Are the vocals loud enough in the mix? Do you think I should sing the Doctor bits instead
of speak them, or is it effective as is?
Any constructive feedback will be most welcome...I think it needs more then one listen because there's so much going on
thanks for listening and your patience Lyrics on SC


https://soundcloud.com/crystalsuzy/simon-says/s-defSn

[CaliaMoko]

Interesting and creative! I think the busy-ness suits the subject matter. I did have trouble making out some of the words, but I would wait for other feedback before making changes. I have loud tinnitus that tends to drown out some sounds.

Other than that, I have no crits. I think the treatment is very effective.

Vicki

[MartynRich]

This is great Suzy, really creative and inventive with loads of thought put it into it...I loved it from start to finish because I didn´t know what to expect next. Some of the different instrumentation is superb and I love the violin when the doc is listing all the drugs, although I think it sounded a bit synthy on some notes. There are other different bits though that are ecelctic and great to listen to. I loved the mood change at 3:47 and the tone of voice that comes in at 3:56 (which almost made me jump). The funky bass works really well also and the weird harmonies/melodies and well, almost everything else 

I´m not 100% sure but I think your voice peaked a little on the lines "I fell off my bike..." and "My back´s real sore...". Plus the only lines I thought were a bit busy were: "Cause I got a drug for everything, Or haven’t you heard; I’m the pill king"...you could simply change it too "I got a drug for everything, you know I´m the pill king".

It may not be to everyone´s taste, but that´s because they don´t know what they´re talking about   

Really excellent work.

[tina m]

this is so fabulously creative suzy & impossible to take in on one listen...its more like side one of a album than a song!
You are realy going to town with the vocal possiblities on your latest songs I have heard....loads of genius overdubs & amazing  voice ideas  ...i dont know of anyone else doing this kind of thing !

the song samples  youve got in between the verses are great but as they are all different it did scramble my brain a bit & made the song sound like it was all fragments  till I listened twice & made sense of it
it realy is brilliant & I think putting it together  would fry my brain & id end up at the doctors being prescribed  something for extreme songwriting injury!
I know im alwqys complaining about song titles but this ones been used so many times I think it takes the shine of originality off your brilliant song ... maybe there is a better title?
awesome work suzy...  a song of the month i think:)

     

[pompeyjazz]

Wow ! What can I say after my first listen Suzy ? Your work is always highly creative and unconventional which gets an enormous tick from me. There is so much going on here, a great story of a slippery slope , great changes in rhythm and timing, some fantastic instrumental stuff (love the slap bass and the violins) I think you may well be Frank Zappa (My hero) reincarnated  I am going to have to listen to this quite a few more times to appreciate the subtleties. Absolutely gripping.

Cheers pompeyjazz (Not Pompey 

[crystalsuzy]

Interesting and creative! I think the busy-ness suits the subject matter. I did have trouble making out some of the words, but I would wait for other feedback before making changes. I have loud tinnitus that tends to drown out some sounds.

Other than that, I have no crits. I think the treatment is very effective.

Vicki

Thanks for taking a listen Vicki "Interesting and creative"...what a nice compliment and thanks for
the thumbs up on the business  Sorry to hear about your tinnitus!

[Skub]

Hey Suzy,where does one begin to offer opinion on this one? I feel er..under qualified

There is so much innovation and creativity on this track,it would have done me for about ten songs! 

You fairly pack in the ideas girl,I'd be frightened to use so many in case I used them all in one go! 

You occupy territory populated by such luminaries as Bjork and Imogen Heap,the song itself is a sonic experience and I may be digesting it for some considerable time...*





*skub falls off his chair,twitches a bit,smiles,then lies still...

[LostBoy]

Wow! Suzy,the little peeps that work the creative part in your brain deserve a rise!!

You have put together a very clever song.The lyrics are great and you've obviously worked very hard on the production.

You wanted some advice and like Skub this kind of song is above my pay grade creatively.However il have a go and please keep or sweep 

Titles cool and I think youd have to be a bit silly without the backstory to not figure out that Simons the doc!    

Mix is ok Suzy,now listen I'm no pro by a long shot,but for me I think the vocals need a little tlc on the mixing side of things,although I do recall you saying that you record directly into the phone mic which might be more of the issue.I used to do that with a lot of my older songs with the iPad mic and I never really did manage to tame the high end frequencies/esses properly.  Do you use a pop filter? I read somewhere that putting a thin sock over the phone helps a lot with that stuff or you could use Lennons trick of waving his hand in front of his mouth on any ssss or pppp's (he had the iPhone 4s if I recall correctly!!  ) I had no trouble with hearing the words but if you didn't use compression then that's maybe something to look into in the future as its a great trick to make vocals really stand out (in moderation of course:) a great website I use with loads of free videos on production tips is therecordingrevolution.com

I think the spoken doc bits work fine! Is that really you?? Great stuff!

I love how you slow the music down in places to fit the lyrics.Very cool!

I listened 3 times and others may disagree as this is subjective and I'm probably wrong but I kinda feel like it needs more of a hook? There's so much going on which is AWESOME but maybe a hook would glue everything together a little better? Eeek!

I hope you don't take any offence to that Suzy as I'm a big fan and I'm just trying to help where I can as you requested.

All the best
Leo 

[crystalsuzy]

This is great Suzy, really creative and inventive with loads of thought put it into it...I loved it from start to finish because I didn´t know what to expect next. Some of the different instrumentation is superb and I love the violin when the doc is listing all the drugs, although I think it sounded a bit synthy on some notes. There are other different bits though that are ecelctic and great to listen to. I loved the mood change at 3:47 and the tone of voice that comes in at 3:56 (which almost made me jump). The funky bass works really well also and the weird harmonies/melodies and well, almost everything else 

I´m not 100% sure but I think your voice peaked a little on the lines "I fell off my bike..." and "My back´s real sore...". Plus the only lines I thought were a bit busy were: "Cause I got a drug for everything, Or haven’t you heard; I’m the pill king"...you could simply change it too "I got a drug for everything, you know I´m the pill king".

It may not be to everyone´s taste, but that´s because they don´t know what they´re talking about   

Really excellent work.

thanks so much for your very kind and supportive review MR I'm humbled!
You're right about the synth in there with the violin...they go back and forth
I'm glad to hear the weird harmonies worked for you...I wasn't too sure about them
"you know I´m the pill king"< if I get a chance, I might try that

[crystalsuzy]

this is so fabulously creative suzy & impossible to take in on one listen...its more like side one of a album than a song!
You are realy going to town with the vocal possiblities on your latest songs I have heard....loads of genius overdubs & amazing  voice ideas  ...i dont know of anyone else doing this kind of thing !

the song samples  youve got in between the verses are great but as they are all different it did scramble my brain a bit & made the song sound like it was all fragments  till I listened twice & made sense of it
it realy is brilliant & I think putting it together  would fry my brain & id end up at the doctors being prescribed  something for extreme songwriting injury!
I know im alwqys complaining about song titles but this ones been used so many times I think it takes the shine of originality off your brilliant song ... maybe there is a better title?
awesome work suzy...  a song of the month i think:)

     

thanks so much Tina...I really appreciate the kind comments   I'm humbled once again! I was hesitant to even post this song because it's so crazy and off the wall, but I'm really happy that people are liking it so far It was one that I had to write, because it's so personnel  this has happened to several people that are very close to me 
I know what you mean about it being a little fragmented...not sure how to fix that
I was wondering about the title and whether it worked or not...what about 'Simon Says, Take This'?

[adamfarr]

Hi Suzy

1. What a great topic for a song
2. What a great way to tell the story in non-preachy but hard hitting way

3. But... (sorry there had to be a but!) If I am really honest, I have to say I pressed play and then almost immediately pressed stop as the beginning turned me off a bit - I think my knee-jerk reaction was something like "oh no, sounds very unmelodic and possibly hard work". Admittedly that was before reading the lyrics, and now I have listened again and could get into and enjoy it.

I wonder if you might consider compromising a little and starting a little more accessibly - possibly by having a sweeter harmony on the "Simon says" intro part, or maybe even going staight into the more melodic "Doctor, doctor" part?  I might be alone on this of course, but just a thought.

Just listened again and appreciating more details - like the fiddle on the street corner! And the general descent into an unbalanced world. It's a huge and rewarding piece of work.

[crystalsuzy]

Wow ! What can I say after my first listen Suzy ? Your work is always highly creative and unconventional which gets an enormous tick from me. There is so much going on here, a great story of a slippery slope , great changes in rhythm and timing, some fantastic instrumental stuff (love the slap bass and the violins) I think you may well be Frank Zappa (My hero) reincarnated  I am going to have to listen to this quite a few more times to appreciate the subtleties. Absolutely gripping.

Cheers pompeyjazz (Not Pompey 

Thanks for your kind words pompeyjazz I'm really such a novice at all this production stuff, that
it always amazes me that anything turns out listenable, at all I know this one still needs some work
I wish I was good friends with a good producer    Frank Zappa...cool

[Jamie]

Hi Suzy, very creative and unconventional. I also thought of early Zappa stuff, this would fit perfectly on one of his early ones! There's a Zappa song that has lines starting ' believe me when I tell you that this stuff is really true, and another line about kennys little creature on display'I can't think of the title though. This really reminds me of that. Must have taken ages to glue all this together?
Cheers
Jamie

[delb0y]

This is wonderful! As others have said, way too much to take in on one listen - but well worth multiple listens. I love the way it develops and changes and slows and fades just like I've been taking too many pills. Lyrics are a work of art and the production and construction are brilliant. Last few seconds are genius!

It's so far away from anything I could do or conceive of that I don't feel qualified to offer any criticism other than to say I just loved it. I agree with the Frank Zappa comparisons too - a female Zappa. There's a world for you to step into and rule!! Go for it 

[Movin Flavour]

Suzie,

Very interesting ....can hear the message that you are conveying.

Definitely Pop Art at its best...a great soundtrack to the right movie.


Sandeep