[BooBoo]

Thought I'd post something as it's been a while

This song is about how you drift apart from someone over time. I'm not to sure what I think of the second verse so any comments would be nice.

Time
Verse
I watched the you,
That I once knew,
Fade into someone else,
I should have seen through,
What wasn't true,
Are you being yourself

Pre chorus
Who are you,
Who am I,
Lost in something,
Called time

Chorus
One of us has changed,
Who is it to blame,
Is it you,
Or is it me,
One of us has changed,
Neither is us are the same,
I don't know you,
Do you know me?

Verse
You have put up defences,
Maybe you've lost your sences,
Now you're alone,
You're isolated,
Look what you've created,
All on your own

Pre chorus
Who are you,
Who am I,
Lost in something,
Called time

Chorus
One of us has changed,
Who is it to blame,
Is it you,
Or is it me,
One of us has changed,
Neither of is are to blame,
I don't know you,
Do you know me?

Bridge
Time can heal,
Time can change,
Time makes nothing,
Stay the the same

Chorus

[PeeJay]

Hi BooBoo,

I think you've done a good job of showing how two people can become cold and distant from each other in a relationship.

I just wondered if the bridge would work better as the chorus? Maybe with four extra lines added in the same format as the first four.

As for the second verse i thought it didn't match up syllable wise with the first so the flow was lost. Maybe change them to match each other.

Nice one,

Phil.

[hardtwistmusic]

Really, really, really good.   As Peejay pointed out, the second verse doesn't quite match up with the first.  Unless something that improves the "story line" comes to you, don't mess with it.  These things are best cleared up when the music is added because the music is going to demand some changes anyway. 

The chorus had this wonderful, vague, denial thing happening.  The singer/protagonist/narrator contradicts him/herself exactly like human beings in denial do.  He/she wonders who is to blame, then lets it slip that he knows neither of them (and both of them) are. 

On so many levels, the emotions are mixed.  There is a surface level "Oh God NOOOO we've drifted apart."  And well below the surface, there is just a tiny ripple of .... perhaps RELIEF.... that they have drifted apart. 

Blame is accepted and denied all at once.  Blame is assigned, then rescinded.  This just TOTALLY captures a break-up that is probably the best thing for both parties concerned. 

Not that you necessarily MEANT that when you wrote it.  But all that is in there.

[benjo]

 hey this is a lovely lyric
 and there is a lot of meaning and thought here
 I do agree with above on the second verse
 it loses something from the first

 but over all a really nice lyric
 just a few tweaks and its a belter as usual

                   well done

[diademgrove]

Hi BooBoo,

great first verse pre and chorus. I think the reason why you're dissatisfied with the second verse is it contradicts the feelings in the rest of the song. There is a hint that both of you have changed and yet the second verse lays the blame (?) squarely at the feet of the other person.

I changed the singular into plural and it seems, to me, to fit with the general theme in the rest of the song:

We've put up defences,
Maybe we've lost our senses,
Now we're alone,
We're isolated,
Look what we've created,
All on our own

Feel free to ignore me if you disagree.

diadem

[BooBoo]

Thank you for the replies!

Peejay - I thought about the bridge being the chorus but then I wasn't to sure but I'll think about it again! Well I'm definitely going to take a look at that second verse to see what I can do so I'll keep that in my mind. Thank you for your help!

HTM - wow thanks for saying all that. It's great when you can accomplish so much without even trying

Benjo - thank you!

Diadmemgrove - thank you for your ideas and that's another thing I'll keep in mind when I go over it again (whenever that may be, stupid exams)!

[mickeytwonames]

One of the best songs in this genre of drifting apart is "When all is Said and Done" by ABBA in so far as it's nobody's fault when time moves on and there's no need for bitterness just a new future.

[Scarriff]

LOVE THIS SONG!!

As someone who has been in and is currently in a long term relationship I can appreciate each and every word of this song, I also appreciate that this song isn't about not loving someone anymore or whatever, but its more that times changes things pure and simple and sadly relationships are not an exception.

Definitely one of your best!!

[tokenangmoh]

Hello.

I think your bridge is absolutely perfect. Just beautiful... And I think it works well structurally too.

Indeed, I think you've done really well differentiating your structural units while creating a consistent mood.

I've got two slight issues. The first is that I find:

One of us has changed,
Neither is us are the same

a bit repetitious.

And the second is that the syllable and stress counts of the lines don't always match up between verses, which might make adding music a bit tricky.

But this is very nice, well done.

Matt

[Peppermint]

Hey BooBoo,

Nice Lyrics although i agree with peejay that the bridge should have been the chorus.
Apart from that didn't think it was too bad 

Peppermint

[seriousfun]

Hi BB,

I really enjoyed this lyric. It is very accessable. The simplicity of it appeals greatly, sure there are a couple of areas that could with some tightening, but that's what re writes are all about. I wont go into what has already been discussed as the comments have been very good but I would like to add that the use of the word 'maybe' in the second verse makes the line clumsy and I believe it also detracts from the strength of the message.
Just my two cents worth keep or sweep, but I really liked this lyric and felt compelled to say so.

Gratz.

Allan.

[Sing4me88]

Good job Boo. You've gotten this down to a tee! The pre is so simple yet so brilliantly effective. I love the use of rhetorical questions throughout and how the fact that the protagonist doesn't recognise the other person is juxtaposed with their own uncertainty as to whether they are still the same person or if they too have changed. I think the bridge packs a very powerful punch as well. I think there are one or two very minor tweaks to help the flow but otherwise it's all here as it is. Would be good to hear this set to music. Getting an ED sHEERAN OR nINA nESBITT VIBE FROM THIS!

[Paulski]

I liked this a lot BooBoo - such great structure and rhyming throughout. I wasn't put off at all by the second verse - suggest you try it to music and all might fall together nicely. I agree with PeeJay - the bridge looks like a chorus to me too - it focuses on the title/theme which is what a chorus does. One tiny suggestion: change "Time makes nothing, Stay the same" to  "Time lets no-one(or nothing), Stay the same"
Very nice piece!
Paul

[Jane99]

I really liked the lyrics. I once tried to write a song about that topic but I never managed because i think it's a really hard topic to write about. But you did a very good job!

[GTB]

Great song, I wouldn't change too much.  I do think the prechorus makes a better chorus so I'd be tempted to recraft the chorus into another verse and use the prechorus as the chorus.  Bridge looks good to me too.
Bear in mind I don't easily fall into line with convention so I'll never make a 'classic', but to me it this would sound more direct like this. - just my humble opinion
GTB