[benjo]

 HEY GUYS

    this is about a break up that was predicted
    but they are both left wondering who caused the war
    that they went through


         


             THIS BLOODY WAR
               ------ = = ------



 so you were right all along
 it wasn't meant to be
 something special was missing
 like your love for me

 you said it couldn't work
 that one of us would leave
 but never in a million years
 did I think it would be me
 
 we loaded up our weapons
 the battle lines were drawn
 we both took aim and fired

 who caused this bloody war
 who caused this bloody war

 you watched it all unfolding
 you had the crystal ball
 it played out like a movie

 who caused this bloody war
 who caused this bloody war

 we're lying in our trenches
 no mans land is full of past
 every word I fire at you
 you have ten to fire back
 
 icy tears fell on muddy fields
 footprints walked a thousand times
 wounds getting deeper as we part
 and victory is neither yours nor mine
 
 you watched it all unfolding
 you had the crystal ball
 it played out like a movie

 who caused this bloody war
 who caused this bloody war
 
 blood red sun on the ocean
 peeping through the orange cloud
 like our love and fight it's fading
 suddenly darkness snuffs it out


 © copyright house all rights reserved
 
 
 

[hardtwistmusic]

Hi Tony:   This really captures all the "mutuality of fault" that occurs when two people who should have more carefully ENTERED a relationship end said relationship. 

Sadly, it's not a rare occurrence.  Far too many people will see themselves in this.   

[Dogmax]

Tony really great lyrics you capture those moments in two peoples lives that seem to go on forever but as i was reading i think maybe use the word "we"

we watched it all unfolding
we each had our crystal ball
it played out like a movie

Also in the last line maybe.

"suddenly darkness snuffs us out"

Not to sure if that would come across the way you want it but either way great write Tony.

[benjo]

 hey guys


         HARDTWISTMUSIC & DOGMAX

 thanks so much for taking the time to comment on the lyric
 some great points raised on this one and i'll look into them
 just doing the 5090 challenge at the moment so sorry for late reply


              CHEERS GUYS





     

[Paulski]

Good stuff Tony I esp liked:

every word I fire at you
you have ten to fire back

Ain't that the truth in these wars 

Can hear this one to music in my head - good write!
Paul

[TPistilli]

Ok, I'm a serious newbie, so feel free to ignore....

I seriously like this lyric.  The first thing that came to mind is the negative viewpoint coming from her.  The relationship seemed doomed from the start. It comes across that he was the one trying to make it work and not her....It made me think that a bridge would be cool saying something like:

If only we took aim
at stirring up the flame
instead of choosing who to blame But instead.....

chorus

Another thought:
The lyric: "no mans land is full of past"  stuck out....I understand the sentiment but just sound/felt awkward.

Great song though.  I would love to hear it put to music.

[TPistilli]

Ok, I'm a serious newbie, so feel free to ignore....

I seriously like this lyric.  The first thing that came to mind is the negative viewpoint coming from her.  The relationship seemed doomed from the start. It comes across that he was the one trying to make it work and not her....It made me think that a bridge would be cool saying something like:

If only we took aim
at stirring up the flame
instead of choosing who to blame But..... (definitely not these words...corny...but a thought for bridge)

chorus

Another thought:
The lyric: "no mans land is full of past"  stuck out....I understand the sentiment but just sound/felt awkward.

Great song though.  I would love to hear it put to music.

[Sing4me88]

Hey Benjo. I like this one. You'v encapsulated the 'blame game' that follows hot on the heels of the acrimonious breakdown of a relationship. There's quite a lot of emotion in this one which sure does create a sense of empathy for the protagonist. I think you've matched it to the war hook perfectly - for me the line about following in footsteps walked a thousand times was very clever. Very powerful visual image in the outro verse as well and I love the powerful closing lines.

I have to say that while you've matched the lyric to the war hook brilliantly IMHO you've missed a trick calling the lyric 'This bloody war'. It is a strong hook but I think you could work it to be more original and have a slight twist - which would of course lead to a slight tweaking of the hook. When I read it the thought of it being a 'bloody war' didn't register apart from, sorry to say, the term being a well used cliche. For me the whole lyric is essentially about a BLOODLESS war - yes it is/was horrible and messy and miserable but ultimately no blood was spilt literally. That got me thinking that perhaps changing the hook/title to have 'bloodless' replace 'bloody' might have more oomph.

An excellent lyric over all so feel free to ignore my 2 cents worth  

[Newgod]

Hi Benjo its Newgod
well i like this song it plays out nicely, the emos are right, the flow is nice, the projection that both are not ready to accept that they started the war is pretty cool in itself coz its human nature, people usually don't accept they are wrong, so the concept is nice,

i guess all that this one needs is incidents where it seems its the women's fault and even for the man's so that way the listeners would be more certain that they both made mistakes so they could never know who started the war, in some way both were wrong or right,

anyways it was nice
keep up and keep smiling

Newgod