The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: IronKnee on February 09, 2017, 05:28:15 AM
-
Hi all......I hope everyone approves. Any and all comments are welcome, while first impressions are appreciated.
Thanks, in advance,
8)-Tom
“The Hardest Part Of Lonely"
By Tom Tognaci
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12540564
I dropped out from the rat race
Locked my house, and parked my cars
A sojourn to find my own pace
And to ponder the falling stars
Writing poems and stories
Songs of missing you
Defining words of sorry…
…for the wife I never knew
We were both young and free
With a lust for the poet’s bane
But, there’s no romance in hungry
And freedom has its own chain
The definition of “my thing”
Took me 30 years to learn
And while I’m not exactly starving
Falling stars still crash and burn…..
……And, still, the hardest part of lonely is when you’re all alone
……Yea, the hardest part of lonely is when you’re all alone
I set out to find the old me
And what I found ‘bout living free
The older I get, the better I was
……and, the hardest part of lonely is when you’re all alone
Carrying the lorry loads
Of an older man’s chagrin
Walking down the familiar roads
I used to run, back then
Remembering the past glories
In these memoirs I’ve honed
but, I guess they’re all just stories
That I only half own…
……Yea, the hardest part of lonely is when you’re all alone
……Yea, the hardest part of lonely is when you’re all alone
-
Haven't listened yet, but the lyric is incredible.
-
Hi Tom.
i agree with Verlon. The lyrics are incredible. So many poignant yet wise obervations that are very relatable. i love "freedom has its own chains" so true. and "theres no romance in hungry" very very good. The song itself is simple but effective. You are obviously a fairly assured guotar player which helps. Interested to know what effects you have on the guitar? it feels like a slight reverb? but it could just be the recording set up? either way i really like it. makes the guitar very pleasant to listen to and goes well with your voice. The only thing i would point out is that the lyrics in the chorus repeat the line "the hardest part of lonely is when you are all alone." by the end of the song i this lyric starts to lose its initial power. i would consider some alternative lyrics such as "the hardest part of lonely is when you return home". i appreciate opions are limited as it has to rhyme but in my opinion is worth considring. beautiful song
-
Hi Tom!
Great song from start to finish. If I could play guitar
like that I wouldn't have to peel potatoes for a living.
Good recording. Simple without lacking anything.
My only suggestion is that you go a little higher on
'when' the last time. It would give the song a less
abrupt/smoother ending.
Thanks for posting another great song,
- Martin
-
Another really great song, love the guitar playing and the vocals carry the lyrics perfectly. The lyrics are excellent, my only nit would be the bridge, which is not as strong as the verses: I'm not sure exactly what you are trying to say in it, so I can't offer any specific suggestions.
(Pedantic nit: it should be either "the older I gOt the better I was" or "the older I get the better I AM")
Enjoyed the listen, thanks
Kevin
-
Another great song, Tom. Like Martin said, I wish I could pick like you do...but I'm too lazy to learn and strumming suits my style. Yours, on the other hand, very much suits that folky sound that you do so well.
Once again, shades of The Boss in this one. Not as evident but I think it's there, especially in the poignant, rueful words about the ephemeral nature of romance and freedom.
Gotta disagree with Kevin - I know what you mean by 'the older I get the better I was'. You remember your youth with ever greater degrees of embellishment the older you get, making it even sadder to be growing older and not as good as you used to be.
cheers,
L
-
Yo Tom.
Lovely song,an easy listen with heartfelt lyrics. A halfway house between Paul Simon and John Mellencamp. I wasn't that keen on the voice effect,but hey I'll throw no stones from my glass house. :D
8)
-
Gotta disagree with Kevin - I know what you mean by 'the older I get the better I was'. You remember your youth with ever greater degrees of embellishment the older you get, making it even sadder to be growing older and not as good as you used to be.
cheers,
L
Ah, now I get it! Sorry, I misunderstood and now it makes sense: age tints the glasses with a rosy hue :)
-
i like this, your voice is very nice, and the guitar playing is really good. the song has a nice melody that you can whistle. i think that is important.
my only criticism is that it is a bit wordy and i think you could improve the feel of it a lot by cutting a few words here and there, allowing you to relax the vocal delivery just a hair.
examples
instead of "I dropped out from the rat race" you could say "I escaped the rat race"
or
"And while I’m not exactly starving" vs "i'm not exactly starving"
""Falling stars still crash and burn" vs "stars still crash and burn" or "falling stars still burn"
i find that eliminating unnecessary wordiness takes some pressure off of enunciation delivery and allows me to put more inflection and feeling into vocal tone.
-
Finger picking delicious Tom. The older I get, the better I was was is just such a fantastic line. You seem to have the mix and the vibe spot on with this one. Quality
-
Hi Tom
Absolutely excellent. Your finger picking is so solid - wish I could do that. The production, though simple sounds spot on to my ears. Could have fitted in nicely on Dylan's Blood on the Tracks album. Like others, I read the lyrics earlier before listening to the song tonight and thought they were excellent, although I guess I was slightly disappointed by the hook line of "the hardest part of lonely is when you’re all alone". There are so many great lines in the song, I felt this one let it down a bit, like it was kinda stating the obvious.
Great song though - all the best.
Bill
-
the hardest part of lonely, is knowing you're not home
-
Not much to add, except that its another beauty of a song. I wish, wish, WISH i could play guitar like this. So good.
-
Lovely song and just love your fingerpickin..takes me ages to do a simple arp..damn!!!
-
Hi Tom,
Very nice melodies.
The picking is as good as ever.
Liked the bit of edge in the vocal - sounded a bit more gruff.
A bit of harmonica would have been cool.
Digger
-
Haven't listened yet, but the lyric is incredible.
Thanks Hardtwist....... ;D
Hi Tom.
i agree with Verlon. The lyrics are incredible. So many poignant yet wise obervations that are very relatable. i love "freedom has its own chains" so true. and "theres no romance in hungry" very very good. The song itself is simple but effective. You are obviously a fairly assured guotar player which helps. Interested to know what effects you have on the guitar? it feels like a slight reverb? but it could just be the recording set up? either way i really like it. makes the guitar very pleasant to listen to and goes well with your voice. The only thing i would point out is that the lyrics in the chorus repeat the line "the hardest part of lonely is when you are all alone." by the end of the song i this lyric starts to lose its initial power. i would consider some alternative lyrics such as "the hardest part of lonely is when you return home". i appreciate opions are limited as it has to rhyme but in my opinion is worth considring. beautiful song
Hey there MP......thanks for stopping by :D Thanks for the generous compliments. The recording was simply played into my Boss micro BR-4. I used one of the pre-programmed EQ to "Master" the final mix. That's all :)
The " hardest part of lonely" was the phrase that inspired the tune. And so I wanted to drive it home. As I use to romanticize the ideal life of being a troubadour / poet... The reality of this phrase has a lot of meaning to me.
Hi Tom!
Great song from start to finish. If I could play guitar
like that I wouldn't have to peel potatoes for a living.
Good recording. Simple without lacking anything.
My only suggestion is that you go a little higher on
'when' the last time. It would give the song a less
abrupt/smoother ending.
Thanks for posting another great song,
- Martin
Thanks for listening, Martin......I peel potatoes, and there's nothing wrong with that. Honestly, I prefer peeling potatoes over rubbing elbows with all those big time "artists". That ain't me (thank God).
And as far as going higher at the end....it's a good suggestion to better punctuate the ending. Thanks!
Another great song, Tom. Like Martin said, I wish I could pick like you do...but I'm too lazy to learn and strumming suits my style. Yours, on the other hand, very much suits that folky sound that you do so well.
Once again, shades of The Boss in this one. Not as evident but I think it's there, especially in the poignant, rueful words about the ephemeral nature of romance and freedom.
Gotta disagree with Kevin - I know what you mean by 'the older I get the better I was'. You remember your youth with ever greater degrees of embellishment the older you get, making it even sadder to be growing older and not as good as you used to be.
cheers,
L
Thanks, LAquila, for listening and commenting! And thanks for the great interpretation. I have come to find, that there are many ways to read that line.....yours is very true to my meaning. And thanks for the nice comments, as well! I appreciate it.
And thanks to all who have listened.
-Tom
-
A beautiful song. Fine storytelling and a nice clear vocal. Loved your fingerpicking style on the acoustic guitar. :)
Paul
-
Just brilliant. Perfect as it is - great lyrics, super singing and a fine melody. Sublime touch on the guitar. What's not to like?
I've said this before - I'd buy the album!
Derek
-
Excellent guitar work - just wish I was so dexterous! I can totally relate to the lyrics - looking back with a rose tint. Although having said that, I'm enjoying life now far more than I remember doing so in my 20s!
A fine, sad song. :)
-
The lyric is my favorite part, but the finger picking isn't far behind! I think you have one extra word, though. In this line: Remembering the past glories. Try it without "the" in it. Could be just me, but it sounded a little, umm, having trouble coming up with the right word but, somehow out of sync? Bumpy? Slightly awkward? Of course, I have a very bad cold, so my ears are suspect.
That's all I have.
Vicki
-
Tom!
There's some great songwriting going on right now from your part.
I absolutely love this, sure it's not hard for me to do since the song have everything I could ever wish for but still. The lyrics are...beautiful, simple yet complex without ever loosing meaning and depth. I so wish I'll be able to write as good one day myself.
On to the guitar, well, I truly dislike you for the fingerpicking (;)), it's you and that damn Delboy, why do you guys have to be able to play like that??? Not fair! ;D Lovely fingerpicking and just right for this kind of song. Top notch!
The song itself is a great piece of art. Folk style at it's best.
I've got nothing but praise sir. Really really well done! Love it!
Peter
-
Love the lyric on the refrain "The hardest part of lonely.." I like the straightfowardness and rawness of the vocal. I can clearly hear the lyrics in a way that doesn't feel spoonfed. The gentle fadeout works really well too. Very nice.
-
Yo Tom.
Lovely song,an easy listen with heartfelt lyrics. A halfway house between Paul Simon and John Mellencamp. I wasn't that keen on the voice effect,but hey I'll throw no stones from my glass house. :D
8)
Thanks Skub, for listening ;D I didn't put anything special on the vocals.....just used one of the pre-programmed EQ effects on the finished mix. And besides, my house is actually plexiglass ;)
Gotta disagree with Kevin - I know what you mean by 'the older I get the better I was'. You remember your youth with ever greater degrees of embellishment the older you get, making it even sadder to be growing older and not as good as you used to be.
cheers,
L
Ah, now I get it! Sorry, I misunderstood and now it makes sense: age tints the glasses with a rosy hue :)
So glad you get it....and thanks for listening!
i like this, your voice is very nice, and the guitar playing is really good. the song has a nice melody that you can whistle. i think that is important.
my only criticism is that it is a bit wordy and i think you could improve the feel of it a lot by cutting a few words here and there, allowing you to relax the vocal delivery just a hair.
examples
instead of "I dropped out from the rat race" you could say "I escaped the rat race"
or
"And while I’m not exactly starving" vs "i'm not exactly starving"
""Falling stars still crash and burn" vs "stars still crash and burn" or "falling stars still burn"
i find that eliminating unnecessary wordiness takes some pressure off of enunciation delivery and allows me to put more inflection and feeling into vocal tone.
Thanks for stopping by Mikek......Yea....there is a little trimming due :o Again, thanks for commenting!
Finger picking delicious Tom. The older I get, the better I was was is just such a fantastic line. You seem to have the mix and the vibe spot on with this one. Quality
Thanks you very much Pompy.....hearing from you is always appreciated!!
And thanks to all who have listened!
-Tom
-
I am so jealous of these lyrics
There are no improvements I would make to this song, it's amazing
-
Hi Tom
Absolutely excellent. Your finger picking is so solid - wish I could do that. The production, though simple sounds spot on to my ears. Could have fitted in nicely on Dylan's Blood on the Tracks album. Like others, I read the lyrics earlier before listening to the song tonight and thought they were excellent, although I guess I was slightly disappointed by the hook line of "the hardest part of lonely is when you’re all alone". There are so many great lines in the song, I felt this one let it down a bit, like it was kinda stating the obvious.
Great song though - all the best.
Bill
Hi Bill, thanks for listening and commenting.
The title line may sound obvious. Maybe through a lack of writing skill, I wasn't able to convey the inspirational point. Let me try to explain:
When I was young I bought into the romantic notion of the lonely poet writing the verses that would one day change the world for the better. The idea of the lonely poet....the loner who lived on the out-skirts of society was somehow romanticized into something cool. Well......the starving artist really went hungry, and the lonely poet life got really old after awhile. I realized that the hardest part of lonely was being all alone.
It sucked.
Maybe it doesn't mean much to anyone else but me......maybe, because I was there :P. Or, maybe because I'm no poet :o
Either way, I like the song's line, and realize that I need / want to become a better writer.
Thanks again!
Not much to add, except that its another beauty of a song. I wish, wish, WISH i could play guitar like this. So good.
Thanks Caz........just practice.
Use those times when you become bored. That's what I've done to manage!
Thanks, again!
Lovely song and just love your fingerpickin..takes me ages to do a simple arp..damn!!!
Thanks, Man!!
Hi Tom,
Very nice melodies.
The picking is as good as ever.
Liked the bit of edge in the vocal - sounded a bit more gruff.
A bit of harmonica would have been cool.
Digger
Yea....I just bought some harmonicas ;D
Thanks for commenting!!
A beautiful song. Fine storytelling and a nice clear vocal. Loved your fingerpicking style on the acoustic guitar. :)
Paul
Thanks, Man!!
And thanks to all who have listened!
-Tom
-
Hi Tom
That's the best lyric I've seen from you and the song delivers it perfectly.
Nice vocals and melody line too. For me I wanted some light bass and maybe a brush set tapping away but it stands up as a 1+1 too.
Enjoyed it muchos ;D
Paul
-
Tom,
Lovely.
Loved it - "no romance in lonely"
Great picking
:)
neil
-
Very nice Tom, there's not much I can pick fault with here.
Lovely guitar work.
My main suggestion was going to be to drop the 'the' from remembering the past glories but I see Vicki's already beat me to it.
Well done.
Yodasdad.
-
I loved this
The picking is great and the song/lyric and vocal all come together to support a wonderful song
I would LOVE to get you in a studio and record that lovely guitar playing and vocal properly!
-
You really are the most beautiful acoustic guitar player. You sing in a wonderful low key and natural way. It's a great song, beautifully realised. If you released a CD of your material, I would be first in line. Envy is a terrible thing.......
M
-
Just brilliant. Perfect as it is - great lyrics, super singing and a fine melody. Sublime touch on the guitar. What's not to like?
I've said this before - I'd buy the album!
Derek
Thanks Derek....your comments are very flattering...thanks. My recordings are dull and really lack the luster of those who actually know what they're doing. I love writing and performing....I don't care too much for the recording end of things.
Excellent guitar work - just wish I was so dexterous! I can totally relate to the lyrics - looking back with a rose tint. Although having said that, I'm enjoying life now far more than I remember doing so in my 20s!
A fine, sad song. :)
Thanks Tim. My 20's were great......in fact, I have found joy in every period I have entered and left. Pretty cool. Thanks!
The lyric is my favorite part, but the finger picking isn't far behind! I think you have one extra word, though. In this line: Remembering the past glories. Try it without "the" in it. Could be just me, but it sounded a little, umm, having trouble coming up with the right word but, somehow out of sync? Bumpy? Slightly awkward? Of course, I have a very bad cold, so my ears are suspect.
That's all I have.
Vicki
Thanks Vicki............ ;D
Tom!
There's some great songwriting going on right now from your part.
I absolutely love this, sure it's not hard for me to do since the song have everything I could ever wish for but still. The lyrics are...beautiful, simple yet complex without ever loosing meaning and depth. I so wish I'll be able to write as good one day myself.
On to the guitar, well, I truly dislike you for the fingerpicking (;)), it's you and that damn Delboy, why do you guys have to be able to play like that??? Not fair! ;D Lovely fingerpicking and just right for this kind of song. Top notch!
The song itself is a great piece of art. Folk style at it's best.
I've got nothing but praise sir. Really really well done! Love it!
Peter
High praise from you Peter....your stuff is stellar, in my book. Thanks for stopping by. ;D
Love the lyric on the refrain "The hardest part of lonely.." I like the straightfowardness and rawness of the vocal. I can clearly hear the lyrics in a way that doesn't feel spoonfed. The gentle fadeout works really well too. Very nice.
Thanks GuitarArt1980.....I really appreciate it!
I am so jealous of these lyrics
There are no improvements I would make to this song, it's amazing
Wow....thanks, Jon!!
And thanks to all who have listened!!
-Tom
-
Hi Tom
That's the best lyric I've seen from you and the song delivers it perfectly.
Nice vocals and melody line too. For me I wanted some light bass and maybe a brush set tapping away but it stands up as a 1+1 too.
Enjoyed it muchos ;D
Paul
Thanks Paul.... ;D
Tom,
Lovely.
Loved it - "no romance in lonely"
Great picking
:)
neil
Hi Neil...I'm glad you got it....in the end, lonely didn't really work for me....givin' a choice 8)
Thanks for listening and commenting!
Very nice Tom, there's not much I can pick fault with here.
Lovely guitar work.
My main suggestion was going to be to drop the 'the' from remembering the past glories but I see Vicki's already beat me to it.
Well done.
Yodasdad.
Hi Yoda...good point.....thanks for listening and commenting....and, thanks for liking my song!
I loved this
The picking is great and the song/lyric and vocal all come together to support a wonderful song
I would LOVE to get you in a studio and record that lovely guitar playing and vocal properly!
Hi Boydie, thanks for listening and commenting. I would love to experience a studio. My recording experience is with barking dogs, honking geese, crowing cocks, cooing doves, traffic (and their booming music), and all the wonderful life interruptions that my children and family bring.
Yea....a controlled enviorment...a studio sounds awesome. Musically, I'm a volcano on the verge of eruption....but, I have a job that promotes my creative energy, as well. Thank God!!
And thank you for your kind words.
And thanks to all who have listened!
-Tom
-
You really are the most beautiful acoustic guitar player. You sing in a wonderful low key and natural way. It's a great song, beautifully realised. If you released a CD of your material, I would be first in line. Envy is a terrible thing.......
M
Thanks Monty.....you are the best!.....made my day! ;D
Thank you!
And thanks to all who have listened!
-Tom
-
Hi Tom,
Love the intro to this track...some neat guitar picking!
The lyrics are excellent in this song...they sound super natural, which for me is the mark of well thought-out lyrics.
Fantastic job...really enjoyed it!
-
Hi Tom,
Love the intro to this track...some neat guitar picking!
The lyrics are excellent in this song...they sound super- natural, which for me is the mark of well thought-out lyrics.
Fantastic job...really enjoyed it!
Thanks PT........great compliment, Thanks!! I appreciate it!
And thanks to all who have listened!
;D-Tom