The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: adamholden on August 13, 2013, 10:01:46 AM
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Another song of mine, written about five years ago when I'd just started doing this again. I don't play it in my current duo, not least because it worked so well with previous bass player/backing vocalist.
Anyway, thoughts/comments please. Cheers, Adam
https://soundcloud.com/adam-holden-1/keeping-what-we-thought-wed
Keeping what we thought we’d thrown away
The other night in my dreams
I wondered what she was still doing there
Despite these passing years it seems
A part of us will not disappear
No good comes from pretending
Can’t hide from what lights you up inside
We lack all sense of an ending
Must I just hang on for the ride?
The night was broken
What was it she was trying to say?
Unchanged unspoken
Keeping what we thought we’d thrown away
I’ve moved on time and time again
Found my way and lost it
Every path seems to go somewhere and then
I find she’s gone and crossed it
Tried all different ways to fight her
With drink and time, with words and love
Memories fade but burn much brighter
With no horizon to rise above
The night was broken …
What am I afraid to do that moulds me in my dreams?
What is it I’ve made of you that holds me in my dreams?
Day is done and the stars are startling
Somewhere we shine till the very end
Separate ways go on without parting
Like hearts that grow but never truly mend
The night is broken
What was it she was trying to say?
Unchanged unspoken
Keeping what we thought we’d thrown away
Keeping what we thought we’d thrown away
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Hi Adam, Lovely vocals/melodies.....thought I heard just a hint of 'Here Comes the Sun' in the music, beautifully played of course ;D ;D Especially liked the change of rhythm. Another classy song.....loved it ;D ;D
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Thanks. Yes there's more than a waft of Beatles about the melody. Didn't notice it when I was writing it, but they did write such nice tunes! Everything was recorded live except for Rob's backing vocal and perhaps patch or two. It's a tricky double vocal to do live!
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Very nice Adam ..
great song .. your voice reminded me of Cat Stevens .. and his style of singing .. great guitar playing ..
the song is great ..
I wonder why post a 5 year old song .. you don't have something new ??? ;D ;D ;D ;D
till you next new song .. :D :D
Cheers ..
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Hi Saeed and thanks for the nice comments. Good question about old songs. I guess I wanted to start with things I was no longer that close to! The last year or so I've been focusing on performing (in a new duo) and so haven't had time for more recording. I've also written less in the last year or so than the previous four. But yes, next time I'll go with something new.
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Hi Adam, impressive!
sounds like very skilled songwriting and guitarplaying to me
i enjoyed it a lot
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Interesting title, great live playing & recording.
Enjoyed contrast and energy of faster middle 8 too.
:)
Neil
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Thanks for the comments. I really like the energy we hit in the middle 8. It's okay solo, but really needs another player or a band to come alive.
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Hi Adam,
Nothing wrong with large dollops of the Beatles if you ask me. I got a little of Please, Please Me for the opening line of each verse. But then it then just goes off on its merry way.
Excellent playing. Strong vocal. Light and catchy melody.
Would be interesting to hear that middle 8 with something extra in there - perhaps something your new duo could explore?
Cheers,
Digger
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Thanks Digger. Yes that's exactly where it starts. ;D The new duo is all acoustic guitars and much more folk and slow stuff, so this one has dropped out of my sets. Would be lovely to give it full band treatment one day.
Adam
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Hello
Very well done.Your guitar play is wonderful.I wish I could do it like this.
At 2.33 is a clank sound from the guitar.When I listen to the song I wondered why I have a problem with some parts and I think you have to do a better rhyming pattern for some lines.
The other night in my dreams
I wondered what she was still doing there
Despite these passing years it seems
A part of us will not disappear
There and disappear don´t work
Tried all different ways to fight her
With drink and time, with words and love
Memories fade but burn much brighter
With no horizon to rise above
her and brighter don´t work
Regards Alexander
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Lovely guitar work, and some tasty 'Simon&Garf' style harmonies, excellent!!
Seriously, the quality of work on this forum is outstanding.
I really like it and am just downloading for my forum mix tape, EXCELLENT work!!!
hab..
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Top notch song writing. Focused, clever and entertaining. Not particularly catchy IMO but a very engaging performance. You are obviously very accomplished musicians and your timing is spot on. Was this live? or at least a one-take recording?
The lyric is a rewarding read with some wonderful lines in there. I particularly liked 'separate ways go on without parting'. Pleasing structure. It finished too soon leaving me wanting to play it again!
Shiny-o-meter: 6
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Thanks for the comments. Yes I think we recorded it all in one take, and live except for Rob's vocal.
It's about as catchy as my songs get. I'd love to be able to write catchy songs but it's mostly beyond me!
Alexander: thanks. Not sure I see a problem with the rhymes you mention. The first one is rather slim, but still three syllables. Fight her and brighter work with the melody too. Startling and parting is a bit of a stretch in that I'd usually say "start-l-ing" but have to sign "start-ling". But I like the line.
Adam
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Hello Adam
You have the following rhyme scheme for me:
The other night in my dreams
I wondered what she was still doing there
Despite these passing years it seems
A part of us will not disappear
Rhymes are line 1 and 3 : dreams /seems (works)
and line 2 and 4 : there / disappear (don´t works)
No good comes from pretending
Can’t hide from what lights you up inside
We lack all sense of an ending
e Must I just hang on for the ride?
Rhymes are line 1 and 3 : pretending / ending (works)
and line 2 and 4 : inside / ride (works)
The night was broken
What was it she was trying to say?
Unchanged unspoken
Keeping what we thought we’d thrown away
Rhymes are line 1 and 3 : broken / unspoken (works)
and line 2 and 4 : say / away (works)
I’ve moved on time and time again
Found my way and lost it
Every path seems to go somewhere and then
I find she’s gone and crossed it
Rhymes are line 1 and 3 : again / then (works)
and line 2 and 4 : lost it / crossed it (works)
Tried all different ways to fight her
With drink and time, with words and love
Memories fade but burn much brighter
With no horizon to rise above
Rhymes are line 1 and 3 : her or fight her / brighter (don´t works)
and line 2 and 4 : love / above (works)
Day is done and the stars are startling
Somewhere we shine till the very end
Separate ways go on without parting
Like hearts that grow but never truly mend
Rhymes are line 1 and 3 : startling / parting (works)
and line 2 and 4 : end / mend (works)
The night is broken
What was it she was trying to say?
Unchanged unspoken
Keeping what we thought we’d thrown away
Keeping what we thought we’d thrown away
Rhymes are line 1 and 3 : broken / unspoken (works)
and line 2 and 4 : say / away (works)
Regards Alexander
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Hi Saeed and thanks for the nice comments. Good question about old songs. I guess I wanted to start with things I was no longer that close to! The last year or so I've been focusing on performing (in a new duo) and so haven't had time for more recording. I've also written less in the last year or so than the previous four. But yes, next time I'll go with something new.
First of all, I loved the song. IN particular, I loved the guitar work.
Secondly, I'm always reluctant to post a brand new song. It's often two months after I write a song before I can tell if it's any good at all. They all sound brilliant to me when I'm writing them. Too invested in the writing to be objective.
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Thanks and yes that's a good point. I've only written a couple of things this year. The first took ages and I had the music but not the words. Finally finished it thinking it was great. Then quickly wrote something else; totally different. That was May. Now, I know I'll never play the first song live because it's good as far as it goes but doesn't really do anything interesting. The other song still sound great.
Thanks again.
[/quote]
First of all, I loved the song. IN particular, I loved the guitar work.
Secondly, I'm always reluctant to post a brand new song. It's often two months after I write a song before I can tell if it's any good at all. They all sound brilliant to me when I'm writing them. Too invested in the writing to be objective.
[/quote]
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Adam
I really like this.....nice Acoustic work.....
Not sure why you would can this....Those harmonies can be done by lotsa people...
The song is there...The BGV's by any 1 individual will not make or break this tune....
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Thanks for the encouragement SteveA. I'll try it out at practice tonight. I'm playing in a duo with two guitars, which is challenging because we occupy much of the same space. So it might be one I keep for solo gigs.
Thanks again.
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This is lovely. Well crafted, well played and nice delivery. Nice live feel to the recording. I would know exactly what I was booking as a venue if I were booking you! Right up my folky alley!
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Thanks James
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lovely work . takes me back to the early beatles in the best sense of the word.
Well done
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I really enjoyed this
The little guitar figures were lovely
I was not so keen on the amount of harmonies - this is a personal thing as I much prefer vocal harmonies to just emphasise key lines, phrases or words - rather than lasting for whole sections
I thought the bass guitar was particularly "warm" in a really good way and provided the perfect foundation for the track
Great stuff and I do not think you would have much trouble making this work live within a duo
Good luck
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Thanks Boydie. Not working with the bass player now so will have to do it solo. I think you are right about the harmony. Would have worked best with a full band. I do love Rob's bass playing. Valve pre amp and flat wound strings. Lovely!
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super song, super singing and super playing.
There were some lovely guitar parts in there very well done sir.
Allan.
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Thanks Allan :D
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Hi Adam,
straight from the start we`ve been taken away by the folky guitars and what followed is a great song !
Thank you for sharing ! ;D ;D ;D
Cheers,
Roni + Martin
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Thanks both, I look forward to hearing your songs too. Adam