The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: jonlint on December 23, 2017, 07:52:18 PM
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Hi all,
Well, after a long writing pause, the flood gates have opened on writing an acoustic guitar ballad. Here is a second song to "Second Face". Feedback welcome before I fine tune it or can it if you think it sucks!
It is not perfect - some parts my singing is off key (I will NOT autotune it, I will record it again - Glenn would be proud of me!), the guitars could do with a mic'ed up recording and the solo needs to be sharped up.
https://soundcloud.com/jonathan-linton-3/space-and-time-v3
SPACE AND TIME
(Words by Jonathan Linton, Music by Jonathan Linton)
I wish I could have met you
In a diff’rent space and time
Fate intervened
The planets didn’t align
Metaphysical union
In a different paradigm
Opportunity’s window
Expired access time
Point of singularity, has past its prime
Could’ve been so different
In different place
Diff’rent space and time
Sometimes my mind time, travels
To a diff’rent space and time
Emprisoned words
Freed to the sublime
Light year apart I feel that
In a different paradigm
Unspoken words remain
Frozen in your mind
Point of singularity, has past its prime
Could’ve been so different
In different place
Diff’rent space and time…….
SOLO
Point of singularity, has past its prime
Could have been so different
If we retrace
That lost embrace
In different space and time…….
Different space and time
Different space and time
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Hi Jon. I thought that this was a clever and well put together piece. Liked the acoustic fusion with synth and some great chord progressions. If I had one nit it would be with the vocals. They are slightly wobbly but don't worry man cos vocals ARE wobbly, especially mine :)
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Thanks for all the great feedback. I made some improvements. I recorded rhythm guitar with a mic and I added harmonies throughout the song Alice in Chains style. Still a work in progress, but comments welcome on my status so far:
https://soundcloud.com/jonathan-linton-3/space-and-time-v4
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Hi all,
Here is a further updated version. Feedback welcome:
https://soundcloud.com/jonathan-linton-3/space-and-time-v5
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Yeah, lots to like here buddy... I like the eastern-influenced scales, that and the grunginess made me think of a Screaming Trees album. The vocals sounded solid to me. No real suggestions from me, I thought it was working very well.
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Hi I thought that it was good not anything to add, will look forward to what else you do xxx