The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: fischermans on December 02, 2018, 12:28:25 PM
-
Hello all
This song is about someone who got very sick and someone else who try to give this person support and courage. Sorry my recording is poor as ever. 8)
Tomorrow
Tomorrow will be a better day, listen to the words your heart has to say
Tomorrow we will see
We sleep one night and than have to follow rules don’t loose hope again
Find your way, out of the dark
Forget all the pain forget all the waste
Leave it behind, let hope be your taste
Don’t look back please don’t look back.
Be my hero live for tomorrow
Rise like a phoenix and no more sorrow
Put a smile on your face, please put a smile on your face.
Prayers to god I send, lived in a wonderland
And my hope never ends
Find a way right way home
Never give up time will tell the truth
And you couldn’t ever loose
Don’t have fear I’m by your side
Life is calling your dreams are falling
back down to earth
You’re not alone I will be there
Dreaming together about a better time forever
Hold you close hold you near
By my siiiiiiide
© Voice, Words, Guitar and arrangement Alexander Fisch aka ><(((°> fischermans
-
Sounds really good to me man!
The two guitars play off of each other really nicely, and the added strings give it a beatiful melancholy vibe.
As you've said yourself, it might be time to invest into a proper microphone :)
The sound of your voice is clipping pretty bad, and you're way too good to let your songs be let down by the sound quality.
Kepp up the good work!
-
Nice song Alex - it's got a mystical vibe to it always going to the (third?) in the melody line over various chords.
Only thing I'd change is - sorrow - should be sorrowful - I think that would fit and be better suited.
I like the vocals even at this lo-fi setting - makes it more real IMHO.
Paul
-
I love your style Alex. It has a sort of long lost innocence which makes it quite dreamy. I like the strings as they add to the slightly trippy feel. Great stuff. I'm really enjoying listening to your music :)
-
@Almosthumanrobot (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21204) Thank you mate. Happy you like it. My mic is ok but it is my recording skills which make it that bad. 8) I think sometime I was better but for the moment it is as it is. Need someone as producer I think.
@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) Thank you Paul for listening and for your friendly words.
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) You made my day but you also put me under pressure. ;)
-
Hey Fischerman
I thought your song has a music-box quality, it's probably the delicate sound of the guitars.
Liked your voice and the strings too, and the relentlessly positive lyrics (we need a bit of that right now eh).
Maybe the vocal melody or chords could vary a bit more? The melody seemed to hang around the same few notes if you know what I mean. Then again, that gave it a kind of calming hypnotic feel.
I've not been here for a bit so it's the first one of yours I've heard I think, a nice introduction.
Pauly
-
I'm trying to tune my ear to recognise chords, is the chrod structure G, Em, Am, D?
Anyhow nice little song mate, i'm a sucker for acoustic stuff and this is decent.
-
Your lyrics have touched me. You say that the granation is bad, but in spite of how you recorded it you have a very nice voice, with many nuances, so when you can record in better conditions it will be fantastic.
-
Very nice writing - very personal and relatable. As time rolls by we all get into these situations on one side or the other.
I do think you could look at some more differentiation between sections - the guitars seem very similar all the way through. They're great, and part of your unique sound, but I think something different needs to happen at times to serve the different parts of the song. Strings are nice though and do help a little with this!
I am all about the content and not the presentation, but I'll bet there's something simple that could fix that vocal problem - and probably it's in the recording (gain staging?) and not in the production.
Anyhow, another quality song from you.
-
@PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) Thank you for your friendly words
@RealKevM (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21324) Thank you mate. The chords are C, Am, F, G with capo 3 fret so it is Dis, C, Gis, Ais ;)
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) Thank you so much. Happy that you like the lyrics.
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) Thanks a lot. You are right with the chords. They are the same all the way though but I thought it fits for the lyric. I did another few songs which do not have a chorus but for most songs it should be better they have.
-
You say that your recording is poor as ever. But this is so totally listenable, I really liked it a lot, can hear and feel every word you say isn't that what songs are supposed to do, get into us and this one certainly does for sure
cheers
LILLY
-
Hi Alex,
This tune is really nice to listen to and your unusual phrasing keeps my interest all the way through.
I was expecting a break out from the verses to some sort of chorus line/section/ change in melody line but that just how my brain works....
Lyrics read well and I like the style of your vocal.
Top work Alex.
Sounding great here
-
Hi Alex,
The recording quality is not great - your vocals are clipping which detracts from what is another beautiful song from you. I liked the strings and your guitar playing and singing are lovely as always. Because English is not your first language, some of your lyrics display an originality which is unusual. For example, "Leave it behind, let hope be your taste" works beautifully but is not how a native speaker would write.
Anyhow, lovely song but hampered by the clipping.
M
-
Beautiful song Alex.
I especially like when the strings combine with the guitars, but the guitars are excellent throughout.
Poignant lyrics and very moving.
A great listen.
Sandeep
-
I always love your songs Alex, and it's been awhile since I heard one...so nice to hear a new song from you :)
This one is as beautiful as I remember your songs being, and like someone mentioned, there is a sweetness, an innocence about your writing.
Yes, the recording could be much better, but it still is very listenable :) I love you voice, What kind of mic do you use?
I love the guitars and the strings really bring a lovely touch. It's all very delicate, even the way you try to instill positivity into a sad situation :)
-
@lillypilly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19725) Thank you Lilly for your words.
@Cawproductions (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20938) Thank you, made my day.
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) Hey Alan thank you for listening and for your comments. Means a lot.
@Movin Flavour (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20528) Hey Sandeep, thank you so much.
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) Hello Suzy, yes it's been a long time. Good to hear that you still like my songs. ;)
Merry X-Mas to all of you.
-
I thought it was beautiful. The recording didn't really bother me. It feels like a live performance, honest and with heart.
I found myself longing for a chorus, with a melody that contrasts with the verses, with long sustained notes. A place for the ears to rest, and to contemplate everything you've said in the verses.
But it's lovely as it is.
Lynn
-
@fischermans (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19014).. some interesting chords and lovely guitar playing. Agree that the vocal is clipping a bit and as Paulski says, ‘sorrow’ needs a change - either what Is suggested or ‘please no sorrow’ or ‘no more sorrow’. Your songs have a lovely mellow comforting feel to them Alexander. Great stuff!
-
@redrhodie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21171) Lynn, you made my day, thank you so much.
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) Karen, thank you for your words. I changed the lyrics in "Rise like a phoenix and no more sorrow"
-
Yo fischermans.
Love the song and your vocals.
The recording you have presented here sounds like a work in progress and for starters I'd be inclined to keep it simple.
Sometimes when I work on a song,I add loads of stuff,then over time I take the knife to most of it and only leave what the song demands. Your song is strong enough to be you and guitar alone.
-
@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061)
You are totally right but I have always the problem that my knife is not sharp enough. Have to work on this. Thanks for listening.Alexander