The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: pompeyjazz on February 13, 2019, 03:14:24 PM
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Here's a little number I just finished yesterday.
Every five minutes there seems to be a Yodel or Hermes van driving down our street, delivering "stuff" purchased on E-bay or Amazon.
Well, most stuff has potential for a song, doesn't it :)
Jumped genres on this one again and tried to get inta da groove ;D
Fake Or Fortune
Here's a package that's come all the way from China
Sailed the seven seas
Another rip-off of another top designer
Send it to me please
We're making thousands every day
To pack containers heading off your way
Another vase, another trinket
Another scarf, another fit-bit – Yeah !
Cut price baggage is the obly way to travel
Bring it on
Nike, Reebok, Adidas, Everything we make is class
Fashion, what a con
We make a fortune out of shoes
That don't quite fit, but you're the one to lose
Another vase, another trinket
Another scarf, another fit-bit – Yeah !
(c) Bradley - 2019
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Yo pomps.
That sproingy bass sound is just lovely,any tips on how you managed that. I can seem to do 'low and rumble' and that's it! ::)
There is a lot going on in this track,yet you avoid the sound being cluttered. Cool trick.
I dig the whole track,but I'm not sure about the ending. I have however,no idea what else you would do! :D
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Hey Pompey Firstly love the lyrics. We are killing the planet to satisfy our pointless shallow material needs. I know thats not your core point but it resonates for me on this level. The song itself is very listenable. Almost an easy listening vibe with a bit of a darker alternative edge. I don't think there's anything that can be improved on. It's another quality addition to your massive repertoire!
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the production is really great. i wish i could get to this level of recording. i like your singing too. you have a nice vocal tone.
curious about the song, and where this comes from within you. its such a bizarre subject. what is your idea of an intended audience or purpose for such a song? i hope that question comes out how i intend it. I mean, the song is good, i appreciate the lyric, the melody, the music, but its quite unusual and far from any genre i can find to compare it with. what is the influence?
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@mikek (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20884) That is a very good question indeed. I guess I don't consider myself genre specific although my roots are punk / alternative. Tbh I sometimes really struggle with lyrics, in fact I do most of the time. Having said that there is stuff going on every day in people's lifes that never gets written about. I've never been into writing conventional songs and I'm not aiming at any audiences. It's just my music, it comes from the heart and it reflects who I am. I'm not expecting any accolades or anything like that. I'm just some bloke banging out music when I can in the spare room :)
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Yeah man, I completely respect that. Well done. Thank you
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Cool man @mikek (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20884) and if you're ever into working on a collaboration I would be well up for it :)
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I would enjoy that
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I really enjoyed this one @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) and you're right, it's quite different from what you usually do, so good on you for stepping out of your comfort zone. 8)
If I was just listening to the music of this track, I would have guessed it was a love song, but this subject matter gives it an unusual twist,
which I love. :-* People are buying so much on line now, but the whole idea of buying shoes on line seems a little iffy to me. When I was a kid we'd go to a shoe store to be fitted by someone trained to do so ::)
Very well produced and arranged...the backing track is so interesting...awesome bass line! Love the lyrics and your vocals sound great :)
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John....it´s not my cup of tea :'( :'( :'( :'(
I love the lyrics and the message but the music reminds me a little of the 80s and 90s beats I used to avoid...The production is superb and I do applaud you doing something different but they way you´ve put it together, for me, loses some of the passion I normally associate with you. I´m not sure why. I could really imagine those lyrics going to a two-tone sound and backing, snarling a real attitude to our fake material world. As ever, your performance is top notch however. It´s just the style that I´m not feeling.
You know I´m always honest...it doesn't´t mean I´m right or that others won´t like. In fact, because of what I´ve said it´ll probably be a worldwide hit.
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Hey Pomps,
I got a strong late 80s vibe from it too, but I enjoyed it as a kind of pastiche of that... It made me think of Tears for Fears around the "Songs from the Big Chair" / "Seeds of Love" era. That wet-sounding bass was tasty and probably a big part of its 80s-ness.
I do love the way you can take any every day prosaic subject (supermarkets, mobile phones, drones come to mind...) and turn them into an interesting topic for a song - this is no exception, you make the mundane seem exotic once again. (So here's a challenge for you: "The Lamp Posts of Milton Keynes". I'll bet you can do it. ;) )
I like the non-obvious chord progressions too. Classy and retro, slick plastic soul. Thumbs up.
Pauly
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The Lamp Posts of Milton Keynes?? Now there's a challenge although I've already written one about MK ;D 80s, Some good, lot of bad but lots of interesting stuff to discover as always Cheers @PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) 8)
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Smooth and pretty cool, PJ :)
How fondly I remember the smugness and arrogance of the label-clothed cocktail bar 80s dudes...wirh their little crocodile motif shirts, pod shoes and slightly too short chinos...now the smugness and arrogance can be everyones... at only a fraction of the price of the real deal gear... Aarrgghh ::)
Anyway... I think its totally necessary to try different styles and this works really well. Vocals and lyrics are spot on. Instrumentation works great too. Nice sounds. It also means you can then tear back into your more traditional stuff with renewed vigour.
It's like a slug of truth serum slipped into some ghastly casanovas drink via an ingeniously discrete drug-administering cocktail umbrella.
Serves the bastard right, too :)
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You do seem to get your lyric inspiration from all kinds of places that wouldn't occur to many! Another subject I couldn't imagine myself having chosen, but good job and nice idea.
As I was listening, I was wondering what it would be like at a faster tempo, maybe 10 or 20 bpm faster. Just a thought?
Vocals are good on this for sure, cool harmonies and as has been mentioned the production is really good, and I think the beat and overall vibe was definitely worth the experiment. Shows off your undoubted versatility very well! ;)
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I really liked the bit that goes 'another vase another trinket', it felt like a good musical change.
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Ha! "Adidas... everything we make is class" great stuff (my BBC accent doesn't do it justice though...)
That's just a great sound - I want to say slap bass? (but it doesn't really matter).
I reckon all this won't last long, as developing nations will start paying proper wages and we'll realise that shipping stuff half way around the world is not exactly sustainable.
Very cool.
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A huge thank you to all of you who commented on and listened to this track. I've got the lounge lizards out of my system so back to my old tricks next I guess ;D
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I once ordered a fitbit on Amazon from China for 99p and funnily enough it never arrived. However some earrings for 80p did. Good choice of subject :)
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Got one for £3.99 from China off Ebay and it actually works. Not that I ever use it though ;D
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Hi Pompey,
Love the groove and the processed vocals. Great choice of song subject and so true. Some brilliant rhymes and a lovely authoritative but laid back delivery. This way is not sustainable and I think you've nailed why. Fabulous song and I loved the instrumental section which just rounded the whole thing off. What can I say - it's genius.
M
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Excellent production.
Oh my, it doesn't take much to set you off, does it?
This could be an advertisement track for China, or with some editing, for Amazon.
I really like it but it's somehow perverse.
The guitars n bass are fabulous.
Too good for Amazon.