[jameba]

hey everyone, this is a song about a friend I grew up with called Gary Tweddle, he moved to Australia when we was about 15-16, some of you might of seen it on the news in England, but he went to a work conference was drunk and has gone missing in the blue mountains in Australia, which is absolutely massive, with cliffs ect, he has been missing since July 16th, although it is being treated at a recovery operation now because it would be to hard to survive in those surroundings, we still hold hope, and I have put into my own words what it must be like on a day and night for him, he is trained in bush trekking but has no equipment. I can see him looking in the gullies for signs of water or food, feeling at night like he is being watched by the animals. and how horrible it must be seing the helicopter flying over and not being able to get there attention (that's what I felt like) he has a girlfriend of a few years, and was due to give his mum away the other day and never got to and he has been telling her to get married to her now husband for 15 years. Anyway this is for him and still praying for him. hope you like it, any feed back on wording ect is much appreciated as usual

James

verse 1

Warning calls pierce the air
Sun blistering through towering trees
Scavenging gullies, praying for streams
Waistline and hope wearing thin
Lost in the wild
Not giving in

chorus

I cry out to you but
But hear no answer
Im gripping your photo
To keep me strong
For love, I’m holding on

verse 2

Firewood spitting out fire flakes
Darkness takes over the sky
Hiding a thousand staring eyes
Following me around their home
Lost in the wild
But not alone

chorus

I cry out to you but
But hear no answer
Im gripping your photo
To keep me strong
For love, I’m holding on


bridge

Elbows on knees
Fingers clawing at my mind
Tears pour from my eyes
Looking at you
Looking for me
I’m sorry (pause) I’m sorry

chorus

I cry out to you but
But hear no answer
Im gripping your photo
To keep me strong
For love, I’m holding on

[PeeJay]

Hi James,

I did see this on the news and i hope that your friend is found safe and well.

By my calculations he will have been missing just over five weeks now.

This is a nice write and does a good of putting across the feelings involved.

Phil.

[Saeed AlSuri]

Hello PeeJay ..

Great work you did .. to paint the picture .. the verses are strong ..

I  think you need to look at the chorus .. rhyming lines make great hooks .. specially in chorus ..

chorus
I cry out to you but
But hear no answer
Im gripping your photo
To keep me strong
For love, I’m holding on

for  example :

if you add  (er) in strong .. and make it stronger .. will rhyme nicely with answer ..
all though the mining might change slightly .. in the since that he is strong but will remain stronger with the thought of her ..

while in strong .. the meaning is that I'll seek strength from the picture .. in fact he lost most of his ..

I hope that make since ..

good work ..

Cheers ..

[Jess]

I love the imagery in the verses, it's like line one BAM you're hit the with most amazing opening line. I also like how the lines in the verses get shorter at the end, the length of the lines really reflect what he's saying. I agree with Saeed about the chorus, I naturally read 'strong' as 'stronger' so I think the edit would add a nice natural rhyme. I also like how, although you wrote the song as if you were him, it could also be read from the perspective of someone who terribly misses him. It's a great write

[BooBoo]

Basically echoing what everyone else has said about the strong part. That would work well. Really enjoyed the song though even though the meaning was sad. Also echoing what Jess said about imagery and the perspective. At first I thought you were going to write as yourself hoping about him but I like how it was done. Good song.

[Tester345]

Some impressive use of words. The verses really stand out to me. I can't wait to hear this finished

[jameba]

@peejay - yea keeping fingers crossed he will be found, thanks for you comment

@saeed -glad you liked the song, and thanks for the great suggestion, it does go better, and I do understand what you meen, I will be changing it when I write up the final edit cheers.

@jess - really pleased it did paint the picture well, its hard to get it across without getting to carried away and over writing verses making them to long. also agree it can be seen in both ways

@booboo & tester345 - thanks for your nice comments pleased everyone is liking it

James

[Allan]

I like this very much, I found your lyrics very visual and could see and feel the despair whilst gripping tightly to hope.  The structure flowed nicely and I found myself eager to sing the chorus with you.... I like!

[jameba]

thank you allan, really nice comment, really pleased you like it

James

[Mr.Chainsaw]

Hey man

I agree with what people say about it being very visual, but my favourite parts were the ones about emotion. "Waist line and hope wearing thin"...that's fantastic. You bring a strong visual AND emotional image. I'd put more lines in like this

I'd maybe put a part in about what's happening for the people back home? How they (you) must feel?

One minor thing...i didn't understand the "elbows on knees" line...I can't imagine a body position, out side of yoga, here you can do that?

Brave and difficult subject to write about. Lotta respect for that.

Take care

Peter

[jameba]

Hey Peter, thanks for the great comment and suggestions much appreciated will had a look at it tomorrow and have a look see what I think I should add and take away.

The elbow on knee line is when your sat down on a chair or the floor leaning forward with yours elbows resting on your upper thigh with your hands on your head. I tried to add a picture but computer is playing up

Thanks again mate James

[benjo]

hey,

so so sad, all you can do is hope, but don't give up
and when he comes home he will love reading that
well done mate be proud of yourself loved it take care and my fingers are crossed,   tony...

[jameba]

@banjo thanks tony, still hoping he comes home, Im trying to get my friend to sing it now and going to send it to his family. pleased everyones liked it and left great comments

James

[laurabh]

I'm probably echoing what everyone else has said, but these lyrics really touched a nerve...its incredibly well written and the imagery in there has a massive effect...the personal story also touched me, I can relate to that, and I hope things work out. Very powerful!

[jameba]

hey laurabh thanks for the nice comment and that you can relate to the song and enjoyed it
much appreciated
James