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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Sebandme on July 10, 2020, 08:52:06 AM

Title: New song! Well its kinda an interlude....I think.
Post by: Sebandme on July 10, 2020, 08:52:06 AM

Hello everyone, I wrote this a couple a weeks more of an interlude than anything else. 3 different melodies over the same structure. Let me know what you guys think.... lyrics are not the best, an area of mine i most definitely need to work on  :D

https://soundcloud.com/sebastianandme/to-the-memories-i-lost?ref=clipboard

To the memories I lost

Keep on running
Keep on running
Keep on running away
Keep on running
Keep on running away

Cos years ago
I cant let go
Im on my knees
And im begging please

Cmon cmon cmon
Cmon cmon cmon cmon

Title: Re: New song! Well its kinda an interlude....I think.
Post by: Jamie on July 10, 2020, 02:58:03 PM

Hi, this sounds a bit incomplete to me. For sure there are some interesting parts that sound good and drive along,but I think it needs more work on the structure and the arrangement.
Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh.....your last song was brilliant.

Cheers
Jamie

Title: Re: New song! Well its kinda an interlude....I think.
Post by: Sebandme on July 10, 2020, 03:15:00 PM

@Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) nope doesnt sound harsh at all. I agree with you  :)

Title: Re: New song! Well its kinda an interlude....I think.
Post by: Andreas on July 10, 2020, 04:23:49 PM

You sure do have a fantastic voice! I must agree with Jamie about it being a little incomplete tho. On the other hand, I could hear this being the intro track on an album, like many artists have these days :) So an "Interlude" might be the right word for it

Title: Re: New song! Well its kinda an interlude....I think.
Post by: Sebandme on July 10, 2020, 05:06:50 PM

@Andreas (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22101) thank you very much.....yeah was trying to be an interlude thing but maybe to long for that...i dunno  :o

Title: Re: New song! Well its kinda an interlude....I think.
Post by: shadowfax on July 11, 2020, 11:22:52 AM

Lovin the intro!! 8) like the first vocal bit, nice falsetto 8) sounding like Muze 8), you need to finish this my friend, it's got such potential. :)

Title: Re: New song! Well its kinda an interlude....I think.
Post by: Binladeda on July 11, 2020, 12:28:24 PM

 Hi,
 Well, I like this a lot ;D ;D. Loved it when that pumping/driving bass kicked in.  Think it needs a 'breakdown' of some sort, and some attention to the start and finish
 The vocal is fine....fits like a glove ;D.  Looking forward to hearing this finished
 take care, stay safe ;D

Title: Re: New song! Well its kinda an interlude....I think.
Post by: cowparsleyman on July 12, 2020, 10:29:14 AM

@Sebandme (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22491) -

See what you mean about the lyrics...kind of fitted the vibe, as you say it's kind of like a ready to use Outtro.

Sounds fine to me, thought the c'mon's were effective.

Title: Re: New song! Well its kinda an interlude....I think.
Post by: pompeyjazz on July 12, 2020, 04:40:46 PM

Hi @Sebandme (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22491) I'm getting a great big hit of 80's indie to start off with a smattering of Muse thrown in. All over far too soon. Definitely one to continue with

Title: Re: New song! Well its kinda an interlude....I think.
Post by: MonnoDB on July 12, 2020, 05:17:41 PM

Hey @Sebandme (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22491)  - this is catchy, fab vocals... As the others say, you could and should develop it.. hope you do! Look forward to it..

Karen

Title: Re: New song! Well its kinda an interlude....I think.
Post by: kevysc on July 13, 2020, 09:46:38 AM

This one  has a lot of potential.

How about using  the existing vocals/ melodies as being backing vocals and add a lyric/ melody on top? ( The Keep on Running is a good hook, by the way.)

Kevin

Title: Re: New song! Well its kinda an interlude....I think.
Post by: Wicked Deeds on July 18, 2020, 08:33:29 PM

@Sebandme (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22491),

When the vocal comes in, I really think this is superb. I do wish it would come in sooner. The intro is so long. I'd like to hear more lyrics as I think there is fantastic potential here.

Paul