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Songwriter Forum => Lyrics => Topic started by: Vintage54 on November 29, 2014, 11:00:28 PM
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This a song about a young guy, who lost his wife to cancer, and the emptiness he feels. It's sentimental, but i hope it doesn't come across as maudlin. Comments always welcome.
Empty
That old cracked barometer
Still has a point of view
It's telling me the weather
Will be fine
But it will take more than a finger
To convince me that it's true
And turn these days of water
Into wine
And felix licks his paws
Beside the fire
Home sweet home hangs on the wall
Beside the door
And i sit down at the table
With a frozen meal for one
And it doesn't feel like home here anymore
Skylark tongues pour silver
From skies of cloudless blue
And the dusty earth
Cracks open in the sun
And eyelids become heavy
On lazy afternoons
And the flowers
To the hummingbees succomb
And i walk along the coastal path
And hear below me
Kids laughing with the waves
Upon the shore
And though the day is pushing ninety
Without your sunny smile
It doesn't feel like summer anymore
There's a lonesome redbreast burning
On the branches of a bush
Doing the work
Of all the absent leaves
There's a scattering of breadcrumbs
On a tablecloth of snow
Where starlings bunch
Like necessary thieves
And down the street
The christmas lights are shining
Where kids unwrap their presents
On the floor
And i'm surrounded by my family
And the company is good
But it doesn't feel like christmas anymore.
In the sun
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Some great lines in this Vintage - I esp liked:
That old cracked barometer
Still has a point of view
and
Where starlings bunch
Like necessary thieves
From a Canadian perspective there are a couple of anomalies - I think we call hummingbirds what you called hummingbees, and our redbreast bird is a robin and they bugger off south for Christmas and leave the rest of us to brave the cold.
From a song lyric point of view this would make a marvelous Christmas song if you mentioned Christmas earlier and called it "It Doesn't Feel Like Christmas Anymore" Sort of a melancholy Christmas sandwich if you get my meaning.
From a poetic point of view, super manipulation of words to evoke strong images, as usual with your stuff.
Paul
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Thanks man!
Taken on board, but i aint gonna touch this again, it's already behind me. Got a christmas song in mind, but you know me, it's gonna be one step happy and two steps sad. Why my songs have to be that way, i could not tell you. If you knew me, you would also wonder. Iv'e got a satisfied mind and a happy disposition. It's the guys i listen to i guess. Was it Elton John who sang, sad songs say so much, i don't know. Thanks again for the positivity, would love to shoot the breeze with you someday, over a glass, and though we've never met, i call you friend.
Take care
Vintage54
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would love to shoot the breeze with you someday, over a glass, and though we've never met, i call you friend.
Back at ya Vintage my talented mate!
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Damn I love this forum. My musical environment is largely loud n proud and that's mostly what I write for and what I listen to. Rarely do I sit and absorb a lyric that would stand up as poetry. Vintage, you are a poet. This is a great lyric.
On the ornithological front, in Northern Europe the sight of a robin in a tree is as iconic a symbol of winter as you an get. Paulski's robins are plainly cissies ;D