Thanks everyone for their constructive comments... I've waited to reply as didn't want to be seen as a serial post bumper.
Firstly I'll tackle the issue that more than one person found a bit of an issue, namely the last two lines of each verse. I have to admit that I too was struggling to get them to scan correctly and had every intention based on your comments to maybe play with them a little until Paulski and the Viscount suggested they may work. So for the time being I'll leave them alone and see what Viscount Cramer comes up with.
@Neil C - Thanks for the welcome back. The play was not my finest hour but I fulfilled my obligation and finished it on time.
@Scott - With regard to the last lines of verse 1, I was trying to convey that moment when time ends in the mortal realm and for those who believe in such things, continues into another world where everything lasts forever. So essentially, time took them to the brink of the two worlds. I was only thinking about anther verse as I thought it was too short, but after reading your comments I'm happy to leave it as it is.
@Martin - Thanks for your helpful comments. With regard to the overuse of metaphors, I understand exactly where you're coming from. However, in this instance the whole song is meant to be one big metaphor for growing old. The protagonists could be anyone and it wasn't about anyone in particular. It was more about the concept of age and death so I didn't want to get bogged down by being too descriptive.
@Paulski - Thanks for your comments, valued as always. In my usual sloppy approach to writing I didn't research the title, so wasn't aware of it's use in other songs. I could if it proves a problem, change the title and corresponding lines to 'Never Old'
@Adamfarr - In my head the protagonists are alive but on the brink of death. I was trying to capture their final hours before they died in verse 3. I will have another look to see if that's what I achieved, so thanks for pointing it out.
@Viscount Cramer - As this is my first crack at lyrics for some considerable time, I feel slightly humbled that you thought them worthy of having a 'crack' at putting them to music. As usual, I'm not precious about my lyrics and happy to work with you on any changes you feel are needed to make it work. Feel free to drop me a PM if there's anything you'd like me to look at specifically.
Many thanks to you all for commenting and I look forward to your views on my next effort which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever