[JackyBeat]

I should start from the beginning..

I've been into writing for a long time now as a hobby and there's one thing I've always wanted to do. To write or co-write a good song and have feedback on it. It would feel like an achievement, I've done something I've set out to do and people like/dislike it. You know?

But when it comes down to it I have a lot of inspiration but I can't get words down on paper and If I do they don't make any sense.

I've wrote down a few notes of words I guess Id like to put into the song somehow throughout the verses. and I know the title of the song and What its 'Story' is. Okay so here goes..

The title of the song Is 'A Boy Like Me' or just 'Boy Like Me' Not decided fully.

The story behind it is. I met this guy and we have so much in common. We got together and things we're going great but even from the start it had its downs and I had been single for a while before this and I had built up these walls and defences. I said some stuff that I didn't mean and its not who I am to have said that. I was just scared and It just came out.

So as you can probably guess. It ended but not just because of that. We had one too many similarities and differences. At the time I think we wanted different things out of life. He was committed to long hours at work which I know Is important. He said that he didn't want a relationship that was only an hour here and there. But since then he's left that job and Is unemployed at the moment but he says he's set on finding a true unconditional relationship.

So in this song I want to say how I'm sorry and If he could find it in his heart to give me another shot at getting it right the second time around.. So that's basically it. Its my version of 'Way back into love' from music and lyrics. I took a some inspiration from that song quite a bit.

I was thinking about what genre the song would be. How would it be played. What sort of melody would it have. The answer is I don't know. I picture it as a pop / acoustic played at a piano.

So that's it. I just need some advice or suggestions. examples of what you would write or a co-writer to help make this happen to put words down and have them actually make sense and mean something.

Here's some of my notes and a brief 'verse' I wrote which is terrible but It gives you a idea I suppose.

Notes:

Feel like I'm ready for love
Where I first met you.
Where I first met a boy like me.
You are a treasure
I've learnt from the experience
I've not shown much innocence
Quest for love
Reconciliation/Forgiveness

Verse:

I Finally found a boy like me but I let him get away.
I'll be ready to run another day. I don't deserve another chance.
but if you could it in your heart to. Id be waiting right there where I first met me a boy like me.

I tend to get a lot of inspiration from slower songs like 'Yours - Ella Henderson' Or something a bit more upbeat 'Heart of the matter - Don Henley'.

Don't know what more to add. I cant sing or play any instruments so I don't know where It would go past being lyrics on paper but It would be a start to even have that. Any other questions or things you want to know to get more of a idea just ask.

Thank you so much in advance.

[Boydie]

I would be happy to help you "realise" your song with you

My first "feedback" as a co-writer would be that you are trying to cover waaaaaaay too much in your song

You have some fantastic ideas in your back story (sorry by the way!) but there is material there for a number of songs

There are no "rights or wrongs" so I will present how I would tackle brining this song to life with you...


IMHO a good song should focus in on just ONE single emotion/message as you only have around 3/4mins to get your message across and "connect" with your listener

You do seem to have done this by getting to:

in this song I want to say how I'm sorry and If he could find it in his heart to give me another shot at getting it right the second time around

The other thing to bear in mind is that you need to tread a fine line between flattering the listener (ie the "You" lines) and making the singer look good as a song with a sing "whining" is not always the best to listen to

I would therefore use a bit of "poetic license" a make some slight tweaks to the actual situation (but you can still draw on this for inspiration"

We therefore have our perspective

"He" is the boy

"You" is the listener we are telling the story to, trying to get them to "relate"

"I" is the singer - try not to be "whining" or "self absorbed" as this can be difficult for the listener to engage with

I would therefore personally focus on the "regret" theme of the song - ie "I regret I let him go"

This makes the singer look a little more "positive" as you have "let him go" rather than being the one that was "let go" - you can still describe the things you did wrong, your regrets and that it was him that walked away but there is a slightly different spin on it by using this approach as it implies you could have kept him if you wanted to - it is a very subtle difference but should help steer you away from a "whining" song

Adele is a great example of this - even though the majority of her albums are about being "dumped" they still sound "positive" and not too whining and self absorbed

Compare this to Duffy's (who? - exactly!) album "Rockferry" and it was all about being "dumped" but there was a "bitterness" and "victim feeling" that gave the whole album a real "downer" IMHO

The structure could then be...

Verse 1 - introduce the characters and describe the wonderful relationship looking back

Pre-chorus - describe the thing(s) that happened to break up the relationship

Chorus - describe the regret you had because you let him go and you want another chance

Verse 2 - describe life apart - what is he doing now - what are you doing now?

Pre-chorus - describe the thing(s) that happened to break up the relationship (use same lyrics or slightly change them to follow 2nd verse - it doesn't matter if it doesn't make perfect sense, the main purpose of the pre-chorus is to set-up the chorus)

Chorus - describe the regret you had because you let him go and you want another chance (exactly the same lyric as previous chorus)

Bridge - put a different perspective on things - eg describe the things you would do differently if you did get the second chance - try to make this lyric noticeably different to the rest - eg change up the rhythm of the words, if you have previously used a lot of imagery make this section more literal (or vice versa)

Chorus - describe the regret you had because you let him go and you want another chance (exactly the same lyric as previous chorus)

Chorus - describe the regret you had because you let him go and you want another chance (exactly the same lyric as previous chorus)

This gives you a nice "structure" to follow, which will immediately make your lyric more "song like", especially if you are aiming for pop

Verse
Pre-chorus
Chorus
Verse
Pre-chorus
Chorus
Bridge
Chorus
Chorus

I hope this helps set you on the right path to get your lyric finished

The most important thing to decide is how you want to portray the singer and I hope you understand what I am trying to say with regard to not portraying a "victim that is begging for a second chance" but rather "a strong person that made mistakes, has regrets and wants a second chance to make it right"

There is a subtle difference but I think you will end up with a better song if you use the second approach - even if it means twisting the facts to fit

[JackyBeat]

Thank you Boydie.

That's a lot to take in but It will certainly help me. I've not read it all yet as I've just woke up but I've read majority of it and I think I finally understand what a song is and I didn't have that before. I find myself already taking lots of notes and I'm trying to piece it all together.

I also went to yahoo answers for some help as well and one of the answers I got back was this:

Use lots of similes/metaphors (I personally like similes the best) since you don't have much time to really express what you're trying to say, these tools help get the point across in a very creative way.

So taking all that in and the insight you have given I should be in a better place to actually do this.

Cant thank you enough   

[Boydie]

I am glad it is useful

Take your time going through to make sure you understand what I am saying and why - you need to agree with everything (and you can obviously do whatever you want) but understanding WHY I have made the suggestions I have may help you understand lyric writing for songs, which is VERY different to other styles of writing - ie a song is often NOT a "poem set to music"

I also went to yahoo answers for some help as well and one of the answers I got back was this:
Quote
Use lots of similes/metaphors (I personally like similes the best) since you don't have much time to really express what you're trying to say, these tools help get the point across in a very creative way.
So taking all that in and the insight you have given I should be in a better place to actually do this.

Yes - similes and metaphors are very important tools when trying to communicate a message/emotion within 3/4minutes

"a picture paints a thousand words" - similes and metaphors help you paint pictures as vivid as the morning sky (see what I did there  )

A word of warning though - be on the alert for "cliches" (overused metaphors)

There is much discussion about cliches (and I personally love a cliche if used knowingly and well) but it won't do you any favours if you "love someone like the stars above" (which doesn't even makes sense - but brings in the love rhyme) or ask people to "wave their hands in the air like they just don't care"

Good song lyrics are often about "contrasts" - so if you use metaphors/similes in your verses you might want to be a bit more "literal" in the chorus or bridge (or vice versa)

Since you are interesting in writing "pop" the other piece of advice I would give is to try and keep your lyrics "conversational" - ie make sure they use words and phrases that the singer would actually use in conversation

If you are writing a pop song for a young (teenage) vocalist to sing then the words and phrases need to be what the teens are saying innit

This becomes especially tricky when trying to weave similes and metaphors into your lyrics - what types of metaphors would a teen use?

[JackyBeat]

Trying to get things started down on paper but I'm back at stage one almost after taking everything in its almost too much and I'm thinking of too much stuff at once.

Can you help me get started with the first verse. It might help me piece together the rest of it from there. Here's what come to me for the first verse but It doesn't fit how you said to introduce the people.

"So Lets go back to where we first me. Where It was brand new and no time for regrets"

That's a little deep jumping right in. Can you give an example of a verse you'd go with so I can get more of a idea maybe or am just going to stay in this mind frame and it will end up really terrible and more of a poem.

Thanks again.

[Marrianna]

Hi Jackybeat,

I hope I can help by saying this: Firstly you say that you have the inspiration, then you put words down on paper but they don't make any sense.

Could I say that you have made your own start by writing those few words out. Now, if you are not happy with what you have written and you have a piece of paper in front of you, then you think what you are really trying to say. Try rewriting those first few words, express your thoughts in a different way.
When you are learning, you have to practice to make perfect. You could find a co-writer to discuss your first ideas with then continue exchanging ideas and thoughts. If you want to write on your own, it is best not to put pressure on yourself by thinking the lyrics will come to you straight away. If you worry that the words are not coming over as you mean them to, I think that you should put them to one side and go for a bike-ride or something. You could be pleasantly surprised that, all of a sudden, a new line or way of saying what you want to will come to your mind when you are not trying so hard.
If this happens, you can then carry on writing your verses or even just a chorus. That could be your draft to work on and the first lines you are asking for help with may fall into place. So don't think so hard about the fact you are trying to write a lyric and just relax and enjoy writing out a few words. Anything simple, but that says something, is the beginning of you learning something you want to do well.
I think, and this is only my opinion, it is better for you to try to get those words together yourself and, given time, they will come to you. The fact that you think your words didn't make any sense shows you had started to think and so you need to go on thinking until your first two or four lines make some sense.
Once you have your draft, you could ask for guidance. You want to be a lyricist/songwriter so if at first you don't succeed, try again. You will get there but fill some empty pages with ideas like you have started to do and see which lines are easiest to develop and work on them.

Hope some of this helps and good luck.

Marrianna  

[JackyBeat]

Good words Marrianna. I shall take them on board. I think I'm rushing it but then again Its something I've been trying to do for a while. I think I really need to co-write my first song even if its not this one to get more of a idea but I'm going to keep going. By a notepad and take lots of notes and try and piece them together when things come to me. Because I often find myself out walking and I get a good lyric pop in my head or am laid in bed and the same happens. So I shall take lots of notes. But as I said for my first song even if its not this one I want to write I will look for a co-writer to work with and we can share ideas and hopefully that will teach me more about what sort of words to use where and when sort of thing and how to piece it all together. I can learn from their past experience of song writing if they have any or we can learn from each other from scratch.

[Marrianna]

Hi Jackybeat,

It is a must to carry a notebook around with you to jot down any ideas that come to you. Those ideas can bring themes and subjects to mind so you can then use a page to highlight a line which you feel interested in. Use it as a title and then try to write some verses or chorus based on that theme. It doesn't have to be brilliant but you are gaining experience of putting words together, whether they rhyme or not. Then, that page actually has a lyric of some sort, and you can then go back to your list of ideas and try another one.
When you feel you are comfortable with a few verses and choruses, and you think it is worth collaborating, you can feel proud to share them for more work or even for some music. Just don't rush and take time practicing. Try to read lyrics by others, be inspired, but don't use their ideas and that way you know you are being totally original to the best of your knowledge.
Although you feel you will learn by collaborating, you will also learn a lot by trying to achieve some complete lyrics and making them all your own work. Something to be really proud of.

Take a step at a time and you will get there. Good luck filling up the notebook and many more with ideas which may not be useful immediately, but one day is the line to inspire you.

Marrianna

[JackyBeat]

Bit of an update really. Was just in the shower and this came to me. Don't know if its alright the verse seems a bit too poetic for a song. I want some help. Adjust it for me a little, please?


Titled : A Boy Like You.

chorus:

Tonight were going to paint the town with love
A boy like you is more than enough. (Needs another line or two)

Verse

We met on a cold Friday night. It was dark baby
and you were my light. Your radiance shinned so bright
and I must of been knocked out because only my future with
a boy like you was in sight. (Needs adjustments. Using fillers for now. Not sure what to change about it at the moment).

Thank you!

[Marrianna]

Right, you have 2 lines for a chorus so far.

Now write some lines saying why the boy is more than enough.
Think it out, is it his looks, personality, thoughtfulness, easy-going nature? etc.

Remember, it is your song and you need to believe in yourself and that you can write these words.
Think of the reasons for your line 2 and then add to it. Imagine you are having a conversation with someone and they ask why you have fallen for this boy. Imagination has to be used and so think it through.

verse 1
We met on a cold, Friday night
In the dark, baby, you were my shining light
A radiance about you shone so bright
And I was knocked out (effects) when I realised
A future with a boy like you was in sight
Mmm, ah, a boy like you, a boy like you was in sight.

chorus
Tonight we're gonna paint the town with love, (shall we, babe?)
And a boy like you is more than enough

Now continue saying why

You could use the title somewhere  (A Boy Like you)

have fun

Marrianna

[JackyBeat]

Oh my god. This actually made me cry because Its exactly what I wanted it to be. And its my words just they make more sense. I need to get a grip but that's a idea of how much this song means to me..

Thank you so much for helping make this a reality for me. I will continue writing it, look forward to updating you soon  

Jack.

Update:

Okay so as I posted that just not this came to me for the chorus. Not sure if its the right words for it.
I need to think some more on it but thoughts?

chorus
Tonight we're gonna paint the town with love, (shall we, babe?)
And a boy like you is more than enough. Even though love can be tough, baby, a boy like you is more than enough

I'm picturing me signing it (I cant sing so probably wont ever happen) but with the last line a boy like you is more than enough adding a longer vocal note on the enough can make it seem longer?

[Marrianna]

 

v1.
We met on a cold Friday night
In the dark, baby, you were my shining light
A radiance shone so bright
I was knocked out (effects) when I realized
A future with a boy like you was in sight
Mm, ah, a boy like you, a boy like you was in sight

Chorus
Tonight we're gonna paint the town with love (shall we, babe?)
And a boy like you is more than enough
And even though love can be tough, baby,
A boy like you is more than enough

Now write 4 or 6 more lines for a second verse
Think of  the words to say why this boy is more than enough

also, you could go back to referring to that cold Friday night or move the event along 'as time went by'. Think of your own way of saying it  

or  how you're going to paint the town with love

Think and imagine  

If you are thinking of an ending already, you could get that in place.

Good luck

Marrianna

[JackyBeat]

Still need to go back to why he's enough but this came to me also last night. Thought it
would fit nicely for a second verse or bridge?

I should of held you close. Now the only thing left are these
words that I write for you. I dread the words i said. I lay here
trying to get you out of my head but I don't want to, there's
nothing I wouldnt do, to find my way back to a boy. mh a boy like you.

Jack.

Update (edit) :

This is my way of explaining how he's enough. Although i think I can do better.
Share your thoughts on this one for me please. Oh and I fit in there how i regret the
things I did/said and I wish for a second chance in there too. Maybe can split that up into
two parts though as its a long verse.

I knew you were the one when I laid in your arms,
the feeling of your love was more than enough.
I could of laid there forever gazing at you. But forever
would be severed by those words I said to you.
Now I'm full of regret and there's nothing I wouldn't do,
to change how you feel to give me a second chance to
show you how I need, How i need a boy like you.

My own criticism of it would be I'm saying you a lot. Don't know if that's a good or bad thing.

[Marrianna]

Right, that's taking some shape now with the update...Well Done!

Before the update, I was about to post that I turned some of your words around to balance (almost)
with the words in the first verse. (Bearing in mind that all the lines may need to be adjusted when there is a draft of your song in some form but that can be done later if required.

I wish I had stayed close to you
All that's left are these words I am writing to get through
With deep regret, feel so bad
I can't forget all we had
There is nothing I know I wouldn't do
To say sorry and find my way back to you
The boy I once knew
Mm, a boy like you.

This came from the early part of your post.

Then, your update arrived so will look at that because it, maybe, can all be fitted together to complete it as a start.

Keep thinking and jot any ideas down.

Marrianna

[Marrianna]

 Maybe like this?

Intro:
I knew you were the one when I lay there in your arms
The feeling of your love was more than enough
I could have stayed forever, gazing at you
But forever would be severed by those words I said untrue

Verse 1
We met on a cold, Friday night
In the dark, baby, you were my shining light
I was knocked out when I realized
A future with a boy like you was almost in sight

Chorus
That night we were gonna paint the town with love
With a boy like you was more than enough
And even though love can be tough, baby
With a boy like you would be more than enough

Verse 2
I wish I had stayed close to you
All that's left are these words to get me through
With deep regret, feel so bad
I can't forget all we had
There is nothing I wouldn't do
To say sorry, find my way back to you
The boy I once knew
Mm, a boy like you

Chorus
That night we were gonna paint the town with love
With a boy like you was more than enough
And even though love can be tough, baby,
With a boy like you would be more than enough

Bridge
Now I'm full of remorse and there's nothing I can see
But to have you back here with me
To have the chance, a second chance
To show you better how I need
A boy like you
Mm, a boy just like you

Chorus
That night we were gonna paint the town with love
With a boy like you was more than enough
And even though love can be tough, baby,
With a boy like you would be more than enough


 It doesn't have to be this format but have set it out this way. I had to take out a couple of your lines regarding regret because I had already said that bit earlier.

I hope this helps to realize your dream of your own song.

Good luck
Marrianna