[dinnerwithgreedo]

Hi everyone, i'm brand new here and i can't wait to get reviewing everyones songs. First though i thought i'd better join in and post one of my own... and where better to start than with a song called 'Brand New'.
At the end of November last year, the wife and I split up and are now divorced. Sad yes BUT i got a song out of it sooooooo...... every cloud.
I've entered this song into the UK Songwriting Contest.
Before you review it... this is still in the demo stage and there's things i already know about this current mix. 1: i need to redo the vocal (it's a bit shakey at the start) and 2: there are volume issues. These will be sorted soon.
Thanks for listening (and hopefully reviewing).

http://snd.sc/kbkkR2

Lyrics

Sit back have a drink
and a cigarette if you think it helps
to numb the pain
It won't work, too much hurt
did you think if you broke my heart again
you'd feel brand new

i can't keep on losing sleep
until i'm over you
i think i've had enough
and although i'll find it tough
i'm gonna get over you
over you

Sit back have a think
think of all the times that we once shared
although in vain
Ray of hope, helps me cope
didn't think i would ever smile again
and feel brand new

i can't keep on losing sleep
until i'm over you
i think i've had enough
and although i'll find it tough
i'm gonna get over you
over you

Sit back have a drink
and a cigarette if you think it helps
to numb the pain
It won't work, too much hurt
did you think if you broke my heart again
you'd feel brand new

oh, feels brand new

[massa]

Hey man, welcome to the forum.

Here are my comments:

Sit back have a drink (bit) I didn't think that was the chorus, I thought that was your verse.

I can't keep on losing sleep (bit) I thought this was your chorus. I was also wondering why you had called it Brand New and not Over You. Until after your instrumental Middle 8, then I realised that in fact it was the other way round and the Sit back have a drink was the chorus and not the verse.

Therein lies the problem, there's no wow-transition from your verse to the chorus, in fact they're on a par. And as such it was hard to realise what the chorus was. Have you used the same chord progressions for the chorus that you used for the verse?

On the whole though the song was really nice to listen to, and you have a gorgeous tone to your voice. Very James Blunty. As for demo stage, it sounds pretty perfect apart from you not being able to pronounce Cigarette at the start. I think you've got a good chance with this in the contest!

Sorry to hear about your divorce, that's pretty rough. Were you married long?

[hofnerite]

Hi!

I enjoyed this, the production is good and the strings fit very well without being overpowering, in fact the strings 'solo' is great, really good melody there. The vocals are good at expressing the lyrics and they feel very natural. I have to agree with Massa though that the chorus needs something extra to kind of boost it. I loved the outro, very Beatley and catchy. All in all I think you have a very good song here with or without changing anything but if you did add something to the chorus to really make it stand out amongst the verses, you could have a hit with this.

[tintin1986]

killer track defo enter it mate loved it

[Zelig]

Wow!

[tintin1986]

big tune carnt stop playing it should utube it mate seriously

[dinnerwithgreedo]

Thanks everyone for reviewing. A couple of you mentioned the confusion over the chorus, so i thought i'd better put the record straight. There isn't one.

[tintin1986]

it dont need anything doing to it mate trust me its a big tune its pure raw talent the best there is

[TNMC]

Really accomplished piece of songwriting here dude. Very accessible melody and memorable hooks. Right on the money, as the hideous behemoth Cowell would say.

[Paul]

Welcome to the forum,

I just want to reiterate what everyone has said.  This is a fine song. Emotional and honest.  So very well done!

Paul

[tone]

Welcome to the forum greedo! What's for dinner? :p

I really like this song immensely. I do disagree with some of the comments so far though! I don't think it matters that there's no 'chorus' - the top line on this song is pure quality and you have a very memorable melody, with really beautiful phrasing. What I think lets the song down ever so slightly is the outro. I don't personally think the song needs it, and it would stand up just as well (better in my opinion) if you cut the outro off completely. Likewise the instrumental section. It's very nicely done, but it did immediately make me think of "In my life" by the Beatles. Something about the phrasing of that first line with the sound you've used is very reminiscent. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I think there's an opportunity there to make something that belongs completely to the song and doesn't distract the listener by reminding them of something else.

A truly beautiful song, very nice voice, emotional delivery. A very strong contender for the songwriting contest. Best of luck to you!

[Dutchbeat]

A very good way to present yourself to the forum for the first time!


great chords, beautiful voice!!!!!!

loved it

good luck with the contest

[dinnerwithgreedo]

What I think lets the song down ever so slightly is the outro. I don't personally think the song needs it, and it would stand up just as well (better in my opinion) if you cut the outro off completely. Likewise the instrumental section. It's very nicely done, but it did immediately make me think of "In my life" by the Beatles. Something about the phrasing of that first line with the sound you've used is very reminiscent. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I think there's an opportunity there to make something that belongs completely to the song and doesn't distract the listener by reminding them of something else.

Hi Tone, thanks for the review. The outro is there because the rest of the song is quite depressing and i wanted it to end as a song of hope. I'm basically saying to the xMrs 'hope you feel good about what you've done but guess what?... I'm gonna be fine without you'. I agree the song can work without it though... but it'd be a different 'message'. It could have carried on in the same style but it would have just got boring.
The Beatle feel was on purpose. Because the song is sad i wanted a chirpy little solo in it (just to throw people a bit). I wanted it to have a 'Fool On The Hill' feel about it (hence why it's a flute solo) and yes those opening notes are very much like 'In My Life'. I did try and change them at the time but they're the notes that fit best so i thought 'sod it!'. I think the rest of the solo stands up as it's own piece though.

Thank you so much for your review and i look forward to hearing more from you.

Paul

[innerdream]

wow this is great - not usually the sort of music I listen to - can definately hear the Beatles influence in there - the vocals are especially good - the feeling really comes across well with your voice 

[Mellowh]

I enjoyed it, my only concern for the competition would be it's length and a bit of a slow burn. I'm a bit of a cynic and I imagine the first round of these competitions to be some person on £3.50 an hour skipping through the entries!