[ShinyThang]

Well, I love a good lyric and this is very good lyric writing. Shivers up the spine in places ...

Musically it's good but needs a bigger lift in the middle IMHO. The classic mid-8 (yeah I know I bang on about them too much).

Twinkle, twinkle little star
We know exactly what you are ...'

There's your middle eight! right there. I feel your musician friend missed a trick.

I think I would have enjoyed tackling this one musically but I am really not a good collaborator, far too selfish. Personally I don't like that last line pause you talk about. I don't feel it adds anything and only served to irritate me.

One thing you said in your intro bothers me too... You 'paid' for this? Please don't be offended but I'd really like to know, did I understand that correctly? You handed over money?

[TheButcher]

Hello;

I think the vocal melody you sing is really beautiful; which is the most important part of a song for me. Your voice is really really nice. I like it a lot.

The mix could be improved A LOT !

But in terms of songwriting, this is very nice my friend.

all the best

[Dogmax]

I like this Verlon and the reason why is because of your reason  (This is how I would perform this song)  i like that. 

You got something here, can you tell me what you're looking for in your song.

Will post again   

[hardtwistmusic]

One thing you said in your intro bothers me too... You 'paid' for this? Please don't be offended but I'd really like to know, did I understand that correctly? You handed over money?

LOL.... I sort of "handed over money."  The musician was a friend of a friend.  He needed a place to stay.  I was working out of town, and had struggled to find people to live in my house while I was gone --- I'd make it home one weekend out of every six weeks, and was worried about leaving the house empty. 

I let him live there if he would pay the utilities.  He had no money (standard starving musician) so I traded him for music.  He would write melodies and basic accompaniments to my lyrics for $50.00 per song. 

What makes your incredulity even more funny (well, it's funny NOW) is that after being "paid" to write the music, he felt that he still should own half the song.  Wasn't really very funny at the time. 

On the other hand, I have over fifty songs (including some of my best ideas) from collaborations with him. 

And, the stuff he did with me is (according to everyone who listens but HIM,) the best stuff he's done in his life.

[hardtwistmusic]

Hello;

The mix could be improved A LOT !

I'm very interested in hearing more about what is wrong with the mix.  I'm not a musician, and had no hand in the production or mixing.  But here was what I always thought about this mix. 

I felt it was overproduced.... too much... not simple enough.  I almost liked the under-produced guide track version better than this finished track. 

I felt like this had so many things going on in the instrumental that it was "muddy" for no real reason. 

One of the reasons I posted this song was to get a sense of how others perceived the instrumental.  I'm hoping to get reasons to trust (or continue mistrusting) my own musical sense of an instrumental on a song.  So any way you could elaborate on what is wrong with this mix would be really beneficial to me.  Thank you for commenting. 

[hardtwistmusic]

I think I would have enjoyed tackling this one musically but I am really not a good collaborator, far too selfish. Personally I don't like that last line pause you talk about. I don't feel it adds anything and only served to irritate me.

If you want to, just do a cover of it with my full permission and you have carte blanche to change it any way you want.  You own your performance and your arrangment, and I own the basic song. 

If you want, I'd sign a release allowing you unlimited use of the song without fees or royalties. 

If you want to do that, just let me know.

[diademgrove]

Hi Verlon,

I love the no no no no line, makes the song for me. The lyrics are excellent. I found the instrument mix a little muddy. I'd have preferred to hear just an acoustic guitar, mostly dry with a little reverb. More like your vocal, which sounds to me a lot better than your collaborator's.

Played it three times and it gets better with each listen.

If you re-do the song I'd like to hear it.

diadem

ps something wicked may be coming soon, just need another couple of listens and to sort the video

[hardtwistmusic]

ps something wicked may be coming soon, just need another couple of listens and to sort the video

I'm excited to hear it.  )  It's always interesting to hear how someone else will interpret. 

[benjo]

 got a really nice sound to this
 your vocal is complimentary on it too

 good job I like it