The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jamie on July 03, 2020, 12:08:17 PM
-
Hi all, a new song for your consideration and constructive criticism! Lyric is self explanatory ( I think ::)). This song file was called guitar noodles when it started, so I had a few guitar chord and note progressions which ended up being the song. I was playing around in alternative tuning which I think is in itself a motivational and inspirational thing to get you going if you are stuck in a bit of a rut (works for me anyway!). I was aiming for a particular sound and build and wanted to rock it out at the end. It's also in an unconventional time signature (again). Hope you enjoy it, I had fun doing it! I wanted to call it Hysteria but Muse beat me to it!
Cheers
Jamie
https://soundcloud.com/jamie1802/the-only-star
The only Star
You think you're pretty cute, you think you're so smart
You talk you calculate, strip it all apart
Delusional and hysterical is how you are, you really, really are
You don't know everything, what do you really know
I think I know it's time, payback for what you owe
Delusional and hysterical is how you are, you really, really are
In your lonely Universe you are the only Star, you are the only Star
Wonder what you think before you go to sleep
If you knew what they think I'm pretty sure you'd weep
Everything's so rosy when, you are in control
You laugh and joke a lot, when you're on a roll
Delusional and hysterical is how you are, you really, really are
In your lonely Universe you are the only Star, you are the only Star
-
DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is class! Right up my street! Love the delusional and hysterical verse is epic @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) :)
-
Very rhythmical vocal which gives the song a standout identity especially with it rising like that in the chorus. Quite bouncy all round in fact, right from that nice intro. Makes for a pretty catchy track.
Sounding good Jamie. Like the guitar.
-
I really like the time signature of this one.....it keeps the listener completely involved right to the end.
I agree with @Sebandme (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22491) about that delusional and hysterical section. That really works.
Great ending as well!
-
Hola @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125)
Wow, the melody is really difficult to sing, up up and up...
What can I say? The mix maybe could have less high color? It is a small appreciation, It despot matter because the track sounds great and the guitar works fine.
The lyrics.... I think a lot of us can be portrayed here... hopefully only at some moments!!! hahaha
It has a nice listening!!!
-
Hi Jamie
A good driving rock song with a fantastic atmospheric intro and interesting lyrics and melody. I also thought the guitar outro was 1st class. I wasnt sure at first about the constantly rising vocal on the chorus but you seem to have carried it off. Another good song from you.
-
Yep, this hits the spot for sure @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) I loved the way you keep the bass on the same note on the pre chorus. Your vocals are great. Don't know how you manage to get some of those high notes. The time signature makes it just a little different as well. You are on a prolific streak for sure. Great stuff man :)
-
Terrific work @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125), your best chorus for a while that. Nice dramatic ending too.
My only thought was that you could add a bit of darkness to the chorus, if it is that, by singing underneath the melody line an octave lower.
Just a thought, but I enjoyed your technical excellence in this and stretching yourself on a little musical workout with challenging time signatures and tuning. 'Guitar Noodles', sounds like a great title that! ;)
-
Hello Jamie! Loved the melody from start to finish. Lyrics are brilliant, and the guitar solo is fantastic :)
-
Another gem, Jamie.
I'd hate to be the guy on the receiving end of that lyric :P
That first guitar break around 1:50 was very conservative...and then you went to town second time around...
Fits together brilliantly and I still can't get my head around those time signatures :)
-
Oh I like the lyrics
Can’t wait to hear it.
Internet is too slow.
Tomorrow
-
Hi all, thanks for listening!
@Sebandme (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22491)
Hi, Don't think I've ever been called a DUDE before......is that good? ;)
Cheers!
@Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra
Hi Ian, good to hear from you ! I'm glad you mentioned the rhythm. Because of the time signature the phrasing of the words were very important to 'Knit' the backing track together with the vocals. Pleased you enjoyed it, it was fun to do...
@Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611)
Hi, I thought the 'hook' of this song was the 'Delusional' part too! Glad it worked. Theres something about odd time signatures that 'reels' you in imho!
Glad you like it guys!
Cheers
Jamie
-
Thanks for listening!
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233)
Hi Mora, yes I think there is a part of all of us in this lyric ;). I know what you mean about the high notes, but I could hear that sound working in my head so went with it! Glad you enjoyed it!
@Grubstar (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22532)
Hi, thanks glad you enjoyed it, for me the rising section is the hook, pleased it worked for you (eventually) ;)
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269)
Hi John, I had to sing the high part 4 times to get the 'strength' into the tone. Don't think I've ever recoded my voice 4 times singing the same part (except when harmonising). Pleased you got the time signature, for some it will be a bit destabilising to listen to.
Cheers pleased you enjoyed it!
Jamie
-
Hi, thanks for listening!
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274)
Hi Michael, yes you're right an octave lower in that section would have worked well. I was looking for a Carmina Burana feel without actually copying it :o, and maybe the octave would have done that? Yes, these last two efforts have been technically challenging, but it's been fun (takes longer though ;))
@Andreas (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22101)
Hi, glad you enjoyed it!
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253)
Hi Paul, it's not really directed at one person (honest ;)), but it's a bit of an amalgamation of characters I've known. I did wonder if someone would ask if it was autobiographical :o ;D. Interesting you mention the guitar solos, I was thinking about how I build a solos, and was wondering how others approach it. Maybe a subject for a Friday Night discussion?
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
Hi, have you listened yet? Get your broadband sorted man! ;) 8) ;D
Cheers
Glad you enjoyed it!
Jamie
-
Hey @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) - this is really great - that Delusional line is fab - the rhythmic delivery of the lyric is really impactful. Some very interesting progressions and wow that time sig! The whole thing really grabbed me... fantastic lyric.. whole thing is very creative..
Huge thumbs up from me..
K
-
@jamie - Very accomplished and beautifully put together, love that feel of not only 5/4 but 5/4 with a 3/4 right after, wanted to do something like that for years.
Polished production too. Thought some movement in the bass line in the latter parts would add a little contrast, maybe with a hint of ironic syncopation as a hook(ironic as it's already 5/4)
I would be interested to discuss the guitar solo approach one Friday night.
-
Jamie,
Great track with a lot going on .. reminds me of early 10cc. Love the way it builds and the time signature gives it an urgency and pace that works really well.
One small suggestion: have the intro fade in more slowly, so that it feels like the song it coming at you from a distance ( if that makes sense)
Cheers,
Kevin
-
Good stuff.
Sounds to me like prog. rock.
It sounds like an angry song.
Anger helps to stay focused, Johnny rotten knows all about that.
Im yet to venture into the territory of unusual time signatures.
I find the notion intimidating. Something I have to get more acquainted with.
-
Hi all, thanks for listening!
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
Hi Karen, great comments , thanks! I think I commented before that as a result of the time signature the vocal rhythm has to be very precise and structured or it just gets hard to listen to. Glad you commented on that. If I have a thing ....it's chord progressions ;).
@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308)
Hi Rich,You are right about the bass moving later in the song, that would have been a good idea.... :P, maybe next time ;D. thanks for the comments!
@kevysc (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19775)
Hi, yes I've had 10cc mentioned before, great band! Yep, get the fade in comment, it's something I've thought of before, but never employed it....yet! Pleased you got the time signature tension.
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
Hi, sounds like you're not a fan of prog rock.... :o 8). I tried to write a song about 6 months ago in 7/4 on the piano, and I just couldn't get anywhere. When I did metal and dust a few weeks ago, I played bass along with the drums and once I had the riff which I wrote very quickly , I had a handle on it and it became easier. So I think that's the key, find a way to get it to make sense when you're playing with it, and bass is a good place to start, you'll get it. I wrote this song on guitar and again, just played along until I found the rhythm and it became easier. I'm not a fan of trying to count 123,12 for a 5/4 as it interferes with my playing, so i just try to feel it. I am able to play along with bands who play complex time signatures but that's relatively easy, they've done all the hard work already ;).
Cheers all thanks for listening!
Jamie
-
Hi Jamie,
Another stellar piece from you (sorry about the pun). This song has so many great ideas both vocally and musically. There is a lot going on - a very dense mix but clear and effective. The melody is so original and doesn't follow convention which is great. Blistering guitar work also. Another cracker.
M
-
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)
Cheers Alan, glad you enjoyed it,even though I suspect it isn’t in your comfort zone ;).
Thanks
Jamie