The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Unclenny on July 13, 2021, 02:28:00 PM
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I had to back away for a while....from a few things, including my writing. Hard to say why.......I guess we've all been there, right?
Anyway......this song needs a place to land. Thank you all for still being here. :)
The acoustic guitar is a 1933 small body Gibson/Kalamazoo.
Mystery Man
https://www.soundclick.com/music/songInfo.cfm?songID=14281496
Here
We have a broken down old mystery man
Who through shear will
Has survived
While it's clear
That he won't go down in history
His peers
Have always kept their distance
While they learn from his persistence
So here's
To the mystery man
Now he's free
And clear
And he sees
Just what he needs to see
But the price has been dear
And where will he go from here
Though his body has aged his mind's grown young
Through battles lost and others won
The sky will clear when his day comes
He's turned the pages more than once
But what they revealed has yet to come
So sail on mystery man
Sail on
But where will you go form here
So cheers
For this broken down old mystery man
Who got here
Through the maze of time
And who's tears
Will keep him believing
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Holaaaa!! @Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611)
Before listening to the song, I have read the lyrics and it seemed magnificent, a faceless portrait full of gestures from now on. a being to discover. And now I move on to the song. I like its privacy, you have a very good sound to my liking, very clean and with a good presence as well as the naturalness of the voice.
I really liked it. It has a beautiful calm.
I don't know what reverb you use but I love it!
I am very happy to see you in action again, Marcus and I did not want to bother asking you.
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Hi, so much to like in this. Firstly the lyrical sentiment - it's touching and heartwarming, and probably something we can all identify with as we start racking up the years. Secondly the lyrical phrasing - I love the way you pause in some unexpected places, like after "shear". Thirdly the way you vary the rhythm of the words... upping the tempo of them when it builds into the "Though his body has aged..." section. The production is cool too - simple and uncluttered, giving plenty of space for your voice to shine through. The only bit I was sure about immediately was the way you hold the word "sail......" for a very long time towards the end, that felt a little odd at first, but not on a second listen - I now think it is an interesting quirk and does work after all. Impressive stuff. Oh and by the way, love the little chuckle you do after "won't go down in history".
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Hey @Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611) - impressive stuff.
Very creative and unique - a bit crash test dummies - which is a compliment BTW :D
Love the "ear" rhymes throughout and the vocals and guitar work are stellar.
Like I said - good stuff!
Paul
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@Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611) a beautiful song, I really like the way you’ve structured the lyrics to overlap the lines (if that makes sense?) lovely gentle vocal delivery with a sparse yet interesting arrangement, I like the way it almost stops as if it’s sung as the thoughts occur to the singer. There’s a couple of high pitched tings (Indian cymbals?) that seem to resonate a bit too long and distract a little, any chance you can shorten the resonance on those? Great song and sound overall!👌
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Another top shelf composition from you
well done
at times this reminds me a bit of Lou Reed
a whole lot less grumpy
maybe it's that sneaky bass guitar!
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Thanks so much for these comments, friends!
@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233) .......Hola Mora! I'm glad these lyrics resonate with you. The global reverb is just the stock short room verb in protools. I did use a two mic set-up for the guitar so I captured a lot of my room. The room is small but I have a few things going on in there to work with that.
@PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) .......I appreciate that about the lyrical phrasing. These lyrics kind of tumbled out and I tried to get them tracked quickly to keep the presentation fresh and natural. That crowded verse took a few takes to get right. Yeah....that last long harmony part does stick out. That whole "sail on" thing was an impromptu addition and the guitar part just didn't give me much leeway. I agree that it takes a couple of listens for it to settle in.
@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) ....Crash Test Dummies!! Thanks for that. Appreciate that about the guitar.....I had been picking that tune on the old Kalamazoo for some time before I decided to make a song out of it.
@man made material (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22704) ....you really nailed how these lyrics evolved and were tracked. Those tings are from an odd instrument that I have had hanging around for years and never tracked. I see what you mean about how it resonates a bit long in places. Doing a remix this weekend and I'll look at that. I'm actually wondering about the overall volume of the entire song....seems like I might have got it a little hot.
@rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) .....I am definitely down with being a less grumpy Lou Reed. I did enjoy playing bass on this one.
Thanks to all who have listened. Curious about the volume question if anybody has an opinion on that.
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Good to have you back!
Good build and variation in this and love the lyrics!
The low vox works very well with the bright acoustics.
My only nit would be re timing, there are a few places where it feels like the guitar is "stumbling" for lack of better words.
Like you coming in a bit too late for a phrase and the hurry to catch up, a little like when you're driving and overcompensate when trying to stop the car from skidding.
Most noticeable in the intro, but then it could just be me being so used to working with click tracks that a more "floating" tempo rubs me the wrong way.
Minor things of course, well done!
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Excellent observations @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) ! I actually try to create a more meandering presentation with my stuff. For instance, in this one I played the acoustic to a click track but if it wandered slightly here and there I let that happen. Then I automated the click to only give me a count-in.
I then let the my vocal performance (and the piano) go where it felt organic. I pulled the click back up for the bass track in the hope of tightening things back up a bit. ;)
I know how you feel, though. Your stuff is tight as....well, it's seriously tight.
I appreciate your deep listen, man. Thanks!
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Very relaxing. I like the way it moves. It has a real-time sense about it......as if you are living the moment, rather than performing the moment. I think that is something that comes with 40,000 + hours ;)
It's Good...it's real.....it's really good.
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Beautiful guitar harmonies. I like the sound of instruments from 0:24. Interesting vocals.
Maya
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This is a really classy piece. I love the sound of that old acoustic. In fact I like all the instrumentation. Lovely vocal and lyrics. Yup, I really like this :)
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@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) .....I do seem to be living the music these days more than performing it....after all these years. I'm glad that resonated with you.
@Maya Clars (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22624) ....thanks for that about the instrumentation. I'll take "interesting" any time about my vocals. ;)
@ChrisPrice (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22723) ......glad you like this one. Yeah that old Kalamazoo has ....a voice of its own.
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Hi Unclenny,
Gentle tune - world weary ballad.
Does seem to fit well with an early, quiet Sunday morning.
Loving the clarity in the mix.
Guitars sparkle.
Nice space in the vocal delivery.
Digger
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Love this @Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611) - great to give it another listen…. Everything perfectly in its place!
Lyric’s the Star for me but I love it all! Great playing and the emotion / sincerity of the vocal does ot for me!
K
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@Unclenny (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22611)
Thanks for sharing, clever lyrics and neat tune, beautifully played, especially the piano and guitar interaction.
Topped off with your heart warming, weather beaten vocals which suit it perfectly.
Lots to like.
:-)
neil
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@digger72 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=9823) @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) @Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) ....I apologize for my absence. I seem to be in an extended bit of contemplative quiet. I must be getting old. ;)
Thank you all for your kind words.