[crystalsuzy]

Hi guys, I haven't posted any lyrics for quite awhile, so I thought I'd post these for some feedback
I've been working on them off and on for awhile, but not sure if they're working
I'll get to reviewing other lyrics asap CS

Imposters at the Wheel

Swords of injustice pierce the truth
The seeker’s impatient, while others aloof
But you and I swirl through the sky
Like rebel clouds, we dare to defy!

A little bird with a broken wing
Cries in pain as it tries to sing
But its plea-full song goes unheard
As it battles the eagles defiant words!

Oh Apollo, oh Hercules
What kind of Gods can you be?
We’re down on bended knee
Please release us, and set us free

Most bow in reverence, as they walk by
But you and I have seen inside
And we know too well the weakness there
So the Gods they punish, so unfair

Dripping brass and peeling paint
Star-crossed lovers await their fate
In a sea of weeping grass
They cannot believe, and they dare not ask

Oh Apollo, oh Hercules
What kind of Gods can you be?
Can you cry, can you weep?
How can you love, if you can’t see?


Shattered glass on a lonely beach
Where crooked branches fail to reach
A beating heart in a boat adrift
The hourglass sands begin to shift

Under angels’ wings, their darkness hides
In shadows of fear, their heart resides
Can these Gods that have no vice
Learn to feel, learn to fight

Oh Apollo, oh Hercules
What kind of Gods can you be?
Imposters at the wheel
How many fates, do you seal?

[hardtwistmusic]

Loved this.  I'll want to look again to see if there are any fine points that I think might benefit from criticism, but the initial look reveals and excellent lyric that will only get better with music.

[GTB]

This one leaves me with a feeling which I think is what you intended, but I'm struggling to see exactly what it is about when I think about it (if it is about anything specific). I can see references to America (eagle) and possibly the refugee crisis (beach) but some of it is a little too obscure for me. Are Apollo and Hercules Greek gods? If that is meant to be relevant. I may be a bit dim so I'll have another read later.
Btw, the structure, words, rhyme etc are all top notch, as usual.
GTB

[seriousfun]

Beautifully written. "Shattered glass on a lonely beach, where crooked branches fail to reach" is my favourite passage. I too am unable to grasp the entire story but I love the wording and the way this is put together. i can see that the flow and metre of this will dovetail easily into the music and vocal style that you normally produce. I think it will be another winner from the CS stable.

Allan.

[diademgrove]

Great lyrics Suzy.

The only words that didn't work for me were "rebel" and "plea-full". They just seemed to stick out as forced whilst the rest seemed natural.

The image I get is of the singer struggling with misfortune and asking for help from the gods and none is forthcoming.

Are you going to put these words to music?

Keith

[crystalsuzy]

Thanks for the kind comments guys I know this song is a little ambiguous, but that's the way this it  was meant to be   I wrote these lyrics to be quite coded and at the time they were very personal
Now, I just want it to be, what ever people want to read into the imagery
I do have some music set to it, but not set in stone yet, and it might be awhile till I get around to
recording it
again, thanks for taking the time to read my lyrics

[adamfarr]

My lack of a classical education may be holding me back a bit but I really liked a lot of the nature images which seem unusual enough to be interesting but familiar enough to be relatable.

I might go for "plaintive" instead of plea-full... or "pleading"...

"Resides" also stuck out a little for me, though perhaps it works OK given the ancient references.

But overall I think you hit the mark of "just political enough" while still having an entertaining feel, so looks like a future winner!

[Paulski]

Hi CS

Nice to see you posting in this section!
And what a great post! I really liked this esp all those near rhymes (truth/aloof, paint/fate, grass/ask etc.) I didn't mind this being a bit abstract - because it doesn't come across like a "word salad" like some abstract lyrics do. The only sugg I have is maybe stick in an M8 section with a different meter just to keep things from getting "samey".

Best
Paul